Шахматы

Submitted by Yaupon on Thu, 08/28/2008 at 3:30am.

Комеди Клаб

Сергей Бессмертный
Выпуск №44

 

Следующее, о чем хотелось бы поговорить – это о шахматах. В каждой стране свои правила и свои особенности этой игры. Итак.

Эстония. В Эстонии шахматы еще не придумали.

Голландия. В голландских шахматах вместо королевы еще один король. Еще есть такая фигура, называется «галлюцинация». Она ходит буквой Зю и рубит любую другую фигуру лазерным мечом.

Ватикан. Шахматы в Ватикане – это самая популярная игра. Потому что только во время нее священники, не опасаясь гнева Божьего, могут трогать чужие фигуры руками.

Молдавия. Самая главная фигура в молдавских шахматах – это прораб. Прораб вообще не ходит и только матерится.

Бразилия. Бразилия – это единственная страна, где в шахматы играют ногами. Причем правила знать совсем не обязательно, но когда мат, все пешки сбегаются к углу доски и танцуют румбу.

Белоруссия. В Белоруссии на шахматной доске всего один король, который ходит как хочет, рубить его нельзя, а сам он никогда не сдастся.

Африка. В Африке король реально пофиг – главное добраться и сожрать слона.

В Колумбии все фигуры предпочитают ползать по белым дорожкам, нежели по черным диагоналям.

Тайланд. Пешки 300 рублей/час, королева 500 рублей/час, конь - цена договорная.

Ну и, наконец, Россия. Шахматы в России придумали Анатолий Карпов и Гарри Каспаров еще во времена Советского Союза. Потому что секса в то время не было и им нечем было заниматься друг с другом.

Перепечатано с  www.tnt-tv.ru

» posted in Fun & Trivia
 

Comments:

by Tudd - 5 months ago
Australia
Member Since: Jul 2009
Member Points: 8

I would like to learn and play chess. Every country has its own rules and customs.I rarley play chess like 5 to 6 times till now.I got your site interesting and love to learn chess.Got problem with dedicated servers and in online payments so will check more after fixing the problem.

by figrock - 8 months ago
United States
Member Since: Jul 2008
Member Points: 1438

What..? Tongue out

by LoneWolfEburg - 15 months ago
Ekaterinburg Russia
Member Since: Jun 2008
Member Points: 298

Check my posts here.

by atxrollerblader - 15 months ago
United States
Member Since: Sep 2008
Member Points: 17

Me no understando.

by LoneWolfEburg - 16 months ago
Ekaterinburg Russia
Member Since: Jun 2008
Member Points: 298

Continued:

Belarus: In Belarus, there's only one King on the board. He moves like he wants, it is impossible to capture him, and he never resigns himself.

Africa: In Africa, no one cares about the King - the main thing is to devour the Elephant. (Russian name for Bishop).

Columbia: In Columbia the pieces prefer white roads to the black diagonals. (Huh?)

Thailand. Pawns - 300 roubles/hour, Queen - 500 roubles/hour, Horse - contractual price.

And, finally, Russia. Chess was invented in Russia by Anatoly Karpov and Gary Kasparov in Soviet times, because sex did not yet exist at that time, and they had nothing else to do together.

by LoneWolfEburg - 16 months ago
Ekaterinburg Russia
Member Since: Jun 2008
Member Points: 298

I'll translate that very racist article (My comments are in italic):

------

Next, I'd like to talk about chess. Every country has its own rules and customs:

Estonia: In Estonia chess isn't invented yet. (In Russian jokes about Estonians the latter are considered to be very slow).

Holland: (Netherlands) In Netherlands each side has an extra King instead of a Queen. Also, there's a piece called "Hallucination" that moves "Zu"-shaped (Even I am confused by that "Zu") and takes any other piece by laser beam.

Vatican: Chess is the most popular game in Vatican, because only during that game the priests can freely touch the other figures (pieces) without bringing the fury of God upon them. ("Figures" like in phrase "her beautiful figure had curves in all the right places").

Moldavia: The main piece in Moldavia is a work superintendent. He doesn't move at all, and only swears dirty. (Moldavian immigrant workers in Russia are the butt of the joke here).

Brazil: The only country where they play chess with their legs. No one really needs to know the rules,  but when checkmate happens, all pawns are going to the corner of the board and stand rumba-dancing.

To be continued in the next post.

by homocidal_raccoon - 16 months ago
United States
Member Since: Apr 2008
Member Points: 12

hahahaha i actualy speak russian and thats pretty hillarious

by NM GreenLaser - 16 months ago
Chester, NY United States
Member Since: Oct 2007
Member Points: 1477

Sasha sounds Russian. This "???" looks Russian. I never learned Russian, but it looks like it is about Comedy Club and then mentions various geographical places. Can you see Estonia, Holland, Vatican, Moldava, Brazilia, Belorussia, Africa, and Thailand? The title is Chess. Maybe down to ??.

by sasha2 - 16 months ago
Waterloo, Ontario Canada
Member Since: Jun 2008
Member Points: 422

???

 

Add your comment:

Join Chess.com for free to add your comment! Already a member? Then login now to comment.