The Open File - And Another Story

The Open File

by Life Master Mike Petersen (Zug)

And Another Story

If you regularly read my column, then you know I like a good chess story.  Unfortunately, there aren't that many good ones around.  The ones that might flourish don't seem to get told very often; while the ones that do get told are tossed around so much they soon turn to rags.  However, I do have another little story I like to tell. Basically, it's about how to think on one's feet, and it makes a good introductory story to tell at any type of chess activity.  So, without making any apologies and without further ado, here it is:

Finally, the old Grandmaster retired.  He had won the national championship many times, and had been a world title aspirant several times as well.  Everyone loved him, so when he announced his retirement, the federation decided to see if they could do something about it.  No one wanted to lose track of so famous a chess personality, so they made him an offer.  "We want you to go around the country to various clubs and give lectures...no tournaments, of course, just lectures.  We will pay you well."

After thinking about it, he accepted, but only on the condition that he be provided with a car and driver.  This didn't seem to be a problem, so the federation agreed.  So, off went our famous GM and his chauffer, traveling around the country giving lectures.  Time passed and soon both the old GM and his chauffer became friends and chatted amiably between engagements.

One day as they were driving toward another lecture site, the old GM noticed that his driver was being unusually quiet.  The old GM asked, "What's wrong old friend?  You haven't said anything for the last 50 kilometers."  The chauffer replied, "Well, since you asked, I'm not very satisfied with the arrangements. Every town we go to, you give the same exact lecture.  Oh, sure, I know they don't know that, but I do.  Why, I've heard it so many times, I know it by heart myself.  I could give that lecture!  But you sit back and relax and make all the money while I just drive and drive and drive."

The old GM thought about this for a while, and then had an idea.  "Look", he said.  "I agree with you.  And, since I could use a break this go round, why don't you stop the car, we'll change places, I'll drive and YOU give the lecture.  I'll pay you the fee for this appearance, and I get a break at the same time.  What do you say?"  Well, obviously his driver agreed.  So, he stopped the car and changed places with the old master.  And, since they looked somewhat alike, both were confident that no one would notice.  As it turned out, no one did.  The lecture was delivered without a hitch while the old GM watched from the wings, still wearing the driver's hat.  As a matter of fact, his driver got a standing ovation!  However, this proved to be a problem, as in the glow of his performance, he said, "Well, thank you very much!  Are there any questions?"  Too late, he knew he had made a mistake.

For a while, there were no hands, but pretty soon one man raised his hand.  He said, "Maestro, in the Sicilian Najdorf, Poisoned Pawn Variation, Black violates all principles by capturing White's b-pawn.  I know all the lines lead to interesting play, but my question is, how can one justify such risky play for Black when it doesn't look like White has done anything wrong?"

For a while, the "GM" just stared at the audience.  His eyes gave away nothing.  Then, he began to lean forward over the podium, seeming to become bigger than before.  He said, "Ladies and gentlemen, you all heard the question.  I must tell you that I am disappointed.  That is absolutely the simplest question I have been asked in all the time I have been on tour!"  He was getting louder as he spoke.  "As a matter of fact, that may be just about the easiest chess question I have ever heard!  And to prove it to you, I'm going to let my driver answer it!"

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