The Open File - Is There Chess After Life?
Submitted by
NM Zug on Mon, 09/29/2008 at 7:52am.
The Open File
by Life Master Mike Petersen (Zug)
Is There Chess After Life?
There is an old story Alexander Alekhine liked to tell about his rival Efim Bogolubov. Alekhine faced Bogolubov a couple of times in matches for the world championship and won them easily. Anyway, Alekhine would tell folks he had a dream in which he died and went to heaven, and at the Pearly Gates was St. Peter. "Who are you?", he said to Alekhine. "I am Alexander Alekhine, Chess Champion of the World." At this point St. Peter would start to look down his list of those who should be allowed into heaven. "I don't see your name here. Wait a minute, I'll check. Hmm ... oh, wait. It says here that chess players aren't allowed into heaven." This disturbed Alekhine, naturally, until he states that in his dream he suddenly sees his old rival Bogolubov strolling around on the other side of the Pearly Gates. "Hey, wait a minute. You say that you don't allow chess players into heaven, but I see Bogolubov walking around over there." St. Peter turns around and sees Bogolubov and says to Alekhine, "Oh, he isn't a chess player, he only THINKS he is!"
This, of course, is a funny story. But it set me to thinking...is there REALLY chess after life? So, I decided to find out the only way I knew how, by contacting my good friend the Caissic Psychic. We set up a meeting forthwith and our Happy Medium started to concentrate. Soon, I found myself chatting amiably with a fellow in the hereafter. His name was A.N. Other, and he had become, shall we say, upwardly mobile in the afterlife and was in heaven. "What's it like?", I asked. "Not bad. The food's good and I never get indigestion. Lots of harps, soft clouds and the like. Everyone has wings, so there are no traffic problems. All in all, not a bad place." I couldn't wait, so I had to ask The Question, "Do you play chess in heaven?" "Funny you should ask. All I have to do is think about it and POOF, there is Capablanca, Alekhine, Lasker, anyone I want to play. And, no matter what I do, I always win! Let me tell you, it was exciting at first, but now it's rather boring. Funny, though, when I ask Capablanca or Lasker what they think of the game, they tell me that I played very well to last as long as I did. Apparently, they think THEY win the games! I guess since it's heaven, no one loses!" "Gee, thanks for the info, Mr. Other. I'll see you later."
Gosh, no one loses in heaven. I wondered about that, but not for long. Before I knew it, I was placed in contact with another soul. This one hadn't been so lucky. He was, to put it bluntly, in one hell of a mess. "Who are you?" I asked. "My name isn't important. I just want to take this opportunity to tell all you people to avoid this place like the plague!" He seemed a little upset, so I quickly asked him The Question. "Do we play chess? Let me tell you, that's my problem down here! I have an insatiable desire to play the game, and I always seem to be playing my worst enemy. I get great games, but in the end always manage to find the only losing line!" Seemed like no one wins in hell, I was thinking to myself. I couldn't keep up that line of thought, however, because our tortured soul continued. "I tell you, it's terrible. Even though I hate to lose, I can't stop playing! Say, can you hear me?" I could, but he was fading, and I told him so. "Then let me tell you one last thing before we lose contact. Tell everyone upstairs who has made an oath about down here to be more careful in the future." "Why?", I asked. "Well, we just had a drastic fuel shortage in the furnaces down here. It's really bad, but the thing everybody has to know is...it was a cold day in hell!"
Uh oh.
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