The Open File - The REAL Chess Player Quiz
Submitted by
NM Zug on Tue, 05/26/2009 at 7:15am.
The Open File
by Life Master Mike Petersen (Zug)
The REAL Chess Player Quiz
So you think you're a chess player. You play in tournaments. You play in your local club events. You play on Chess.com. You're even a member of your country's federation. But, how do you know if you're a REAL chess player? Well, you don't, and you didn't...until now. I am hereby presenting the first-ever quiz to see if you are a REAL chess player. So, grab a pencil, sit down and take the REAL chess quiz:
Multiple Choice - choose the answer you think is the REAL chess answer.
1. The opening is:
A - the beginning of the game.
B - the end of the game.
C - the time of the game you go to the restroom.
2. The middle game is:
A - the middle of the game.
B - the end of the game.
C - the time of the game to realize you're lost.
3. The endgame is:
A - the end of the game.
B - the beginning of the game.
C - the time of the game to realize you have all your pawns on the same color
squares as your bishop.
4. The Sicilian is:
A - an opening.
B - the neighborhood boss.
C - the variation you get mated with as black and lose against as white.
5. To "fianchetto" is to:
A - put your bishop on the g2 square in the opening.
B - do what your mother said would make you go blind.
C - play a do-nothing opening.
6. The "Chess Informant" is:
A - a biannual games compendium.
B - Larry Evans.
C - the only chess book you have to read with a chess set.
7. Bobby Fischer is:
A - a former world champion.
B - a wierdo.
C - both A and B.
8. The USCF is:
A - the United States Chess Federation.
B - in trouble.
C - sitting on an untapped reservoir of chess potential.
9. REAL chess players don't eat:
A - during their opponent's move.
B - quiche.
C - b pawns with the queen.
10. Speed chess is:
A - a five minute game.
B - chess with a buzz on.
C - the fastest way to lose all your quarters.
11. Action chess is:
A - a game in which you make all your moves in 30 minutes.
B - 1 minute chess with someone on each side to catch the pieces.
C - the way to find out if you have any technique.
12. The winner of a tournament is:
A - the one who finishes first.
B - that lucky guy you blundered against.
C - the one who plays the fastest draw in the last round.
13. The writer of this column is:
A - a real chess player.
B - crazy.
C - one who enjoys poking a little fun at himself and his hobby.
OK, here is how to score yourself. For each A, give yourself 5 points. For each B, give yourself 0 points. For each C, give yourself 10 points.
Scale:
0 to 40 - Wise Guy
45 to 85 - You aren't a REAL chess player, you just THINK you are.
over 85 - Congratulations! You are a REAL chess player.
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