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Death Match 8 Predictions!

Considering that I know very little about our competitors this month, well, I figured a "preview a la Crazy-Town" was appropriate. Before reading any further, I can confirm for everyone that no feelings were hurt during the writing of this post (at least not mine), no research was done beforehand, and that I refused to spend more than 30 minutes on this match preview, writing every thought that came to my mind, the moment it came there, with no filter, to get it over as quickly as possible Tongue Out... Let's do this!

I wish I could say I've known both these players since I started playing chess at the age of ten. I wish I could say I've studied with both of them personally, spent time at their homes, or that I have worked out my opening repertoire alongside them on many occasions. I also wish I could say I know more about their personal lives than they think I do Wink, and that I have a pretty good idea how their personalities will handle the "ups and downs" of the Death Match arena... But sadly, I cannot.

If I had done any research in preparing to make my bold predictions, I would be able to confirm that these two have never met "over-the-board" in tournament play (at least not according to the databases available to me). However, if I knew anything about these two I would also be able to confirm that that information means very little, because they are both notorious "scoresheet thieves".

"Danny, what's a scoresheet thief?", Mag-Town Carlsen.

Calm down Magnus...

"Oh Mag-Town, you silly youngster! A 'scoresheet thief' is someone who goes out of their way to make sure as many of their games as possible stay away from the tournament directors grasp, and therefore, prevent him from turning the game into TWIC or Chessbase for the public to access later", Said I, in my best "Old-English-Guy-From-BBCA-America-During-Planet-Earth-Voice".

Sad and pathetic, or geniusly devious? You decide...

All they would argue, if this information had any truth to it, is that it definitely hampers your opponent's ability to accurately predict your opening choice before a game starts -- especially when you are trying out new stuff (which again, if I knew anything, I could say that it seems to be working since they have both made signficant additions to their opening repertoires over the last few years, and displayed much growth as chess players in the process).

What else could I write about these two if I knew anything about them Undecided? Well, I could confirm that this match means a lot to both of their egos... I mean chess careers. Dean -- outside of the obvious fact that he never misses an opportunity to set a record and has already pronounced that he wants to win by the largest margin of any Death Match winner to date -- is excited to prove everyone wrong for believing that he only wins his games on pure intimidation.

Dean has never shied away from displaying his guns, wearing "many a cut-off t-shirt" in his day, sometimes changing out a "tank top" mid round, to advertise a new, revealing angle to his figure:

and in the same round he "morphed" into his much more mature look, yet still form fitting, "Casual Polo Dean":
and he continued to "hunch" over the board, scaring the life out of his opponent with every arm flex...

As Dean might have put it, if I had heard anything, "a win over the 'inter-web' will finally show the world that I am not all muscle as a chess player", he said in his best Arnold Schwarzenegger voice, "No one can accuse me of playing "muscle chess" over the internet, because it's not possible yet!". 

Will Dean finally get the respect he deserves? Not according to this "non-investigative" reporter. Why? Because even though there may be an "i" in "Intimidation", there is certainly no "i" in "Motivation", and there's definitely no "u" in honour... (wait a second... Undecided).

Anyway,the motivation is much stronger on the other side! Rumor might have it, if I knew of any rumor of the rumor, that FM Robby Adamson, tired of being held back by his successful "side career" as a Lawyer for a local firm in Tucson, Arizona:

The "old Lawyer-Robby", clearly unhappy...

decided to "get off the fence" and invest all his savings into his chess career."I feel so much free-er!", explains Adamson. "No six figure income can replace the pure feelings of "adrenaline-joy" I get from every loss, and sometimes win, of a chess game"!

The "new Chess-Pro-Robby" clearly living the stress free life...

To prove he meant business, Robby hired a legendary chess coach:

who chose to go "nameless" in this article...

To help him take his game to the next level. When his coach demanded payment for all 13,000 lessons needed to get Robby the GM title in advance, Robby happily paid, showing full comittment to his new life choice... His trainer claimed he needed the money for a "no-loss-possible" investment, but then skipped town, and has not been heard from in 6 months. 

In short, Robby is broke and needs the money to continue living his chess dream! AND you can't measure the strength of a desperate animal, or a caged man! I believe the BLITZMASTER will tame the BEASTMASTER (my new, much needed nickname for Ippolito, obviously Wink) in every time control, and eventually win in dominating style in a really closely contested match Undecided...

In all seriousness, I can say that the match will be covered live on www.chess.com/tv on Sunday, September 23rd, with pregame interviews starting at 10am Pacific, 1pm Eastern. The coverage will be open to all Chess.com Members, so if you're reading this and you don't come to watch the show on Sunday, then that's a YOU PROBLEM!!!

I will be there, because we all know I have nothing better to do on a Sunday morning with my wife and three children then to watch these two clowns I know nothing about ;-(  -- And for the record, that's the "Winkie-Frownie Face Emoticon" which means, "I'm sad, but hey, you get it, right?). Just kidding Chess.com Fans! I am not sad... I am really excited, and alongside IM David Pruess, we are going to broadcast your faces off!!! 

See you around...

Comments


  • 18 months ago

    Ericyii

    Please be relevant, helpful & nice!

  • 19 months ago

    JoseO

    This was the closest pairing yet. It was fun to watch the bullet game although I could not possibly have any idea of what was good or bad at that speed since I have never ever won a single bullet game. I just can not think or move in a 1 minute game with any level of expertise.

  • 19 months ago

    gzzw

    tl; dr. Where can I actually watch the game?

  • 19 months ago

    jacksparrow008

    [COMMENT DELETED]
  • 19 months ago

    deadastronauts

    Racist implications.  The black chess coach skips town.  Undecided

    Edit:  That looks like IM Emory Tate.  Why do you think it's ok to slander this man?

  • 19 months ago

    GreenLeaf14

    what time does it start in greece?

  • 19 months ago

    IM dpruess

    it is ON in less than an hour!!

  • 19 months ago

    drumdaddy

    The violence begins at 6pm in Great Britain. 

  • 19 months ago

    Edificer

    What time is this in Great Britian???

  • 19 months ago

    drumdaddy

    Robby's coach, who made huge successes of Fred Sanford and Michael Jackson, is none other than Quincy Jones. Robby's mere contact with this genius, no matter how exploitive, will disturb Dean's rhythm and turn the tables for Robby. 

  • 19 months ago

    JoseO

    If someone did that to me, i hire a private investigator to hunt the guy who took all that money. Of course, i would never pay for so much all at once. The fact that he asked for all that money should have been a tip off that something was wrong. I hope he is able to find that guy and get back his money.

  • 19 months ago

    hicetnunc

    It would be nice to have a webcam feed of the players (well two feeds actually)...

    Chess needs more human emotions to be a good broadcast product.

  • 19 months ago

    GreenDestiny

    Dean win by 5 points. I reckon!

  • 19 months ago

    Medicus_Hovo

  • 19 months ago

    Medicus_Hovo

  • 19 months ago

    RayDuqueIII

    Good luck to both players. Play well.

  • 19 months ago

    slipp3ry

    i didnt read it all but this is the best pre game analysis ever on chess.com 

  • 19 months ago

    orchardbrian

    DEAN TAUGHT ME, GO DEAN IPPOLITO

  • 19 months ago

    ElKitch

    13000 lessons?? That is one lesson EVERY DAY for the next 35,5 years!

  • 19 months ago

    sean_mania

    well see the guy who paid so much for a chesscoach and got cheated WILL SURELY WIN IT!!!somehow or maybe this match is gonna have a stalemate situation

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