Upgrade to Chess.com Premium!

Chess Humor

A chess master died - after a few days, a friend of his heard a voice; it was him!
"What's it like, where you are now," he asked.
"What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news."
"Tell me the good news first."
"Well, it's really heaven here. There are tournaments and blitz sessions going on all the time and Morphy, Alekhine, Lasker, Tal, Capablanca, Botvinnik, they're all here, and you can play them."
"Fantastic!" the friend said, "and what is the bad news?"
"You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday."

Comments


  • 3 years ago

    AWARDCHESS

    chesscom members does not have sense of humor, as it is not alloved here to have it.Cry

  • 3 years ago

    AWARDCHESS

    There is a famous anecdote. At the 1971 Alekhine Memorial, "...again David was playing Smyslov and this time they agreed to a draw in 12 moves. A high chess official furiously told them that they should have continued to play. After all, the Soviet Chess Federation was paying them! David's answer became a classic in Soviet chess circles: "Do you really believe that I will attack Smyslov for only three roubles a day?"

    Tom Furstenberg, co-author of "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" Bronstein vs Smyslov, 1971

  • 3 years ago

    AWARDCHESS

    A gentleman must play a game of chess with a blind person, he proposes to the blind person:
    "As him cannot see he will grant an advantage to him as part of the deal. We will not play in equality of conditions."
    "This sound really fair" replied the Blind Person.
    Then he asks the gentleman: "When?"
    "Very well", the other men responded to him "any night that you prefer."

  • 3 years ago

    AWARDCHESS

    The young apprentice went to his master and asked him:
    "Which is the best game man made?".
    The old master though a little bit and said
    "It's chess I guess, no?".
    "What about go?" came the next question instantly.
    "Aah, go was already here!"

  • 3 years ago

    AWARDCHESS

    Three retired International chess grandmasters were playing chess in the park.
    The first grandmaster said, "it is windy today."
    The second grandmaster said, "no, it is Thursday today".
    The third grandmaster said, "me too, let's go back inside for a drink"

  • 3 years ago

    AWARDCHESS

    Q - Which group of women are the best chess players?
    A - Feminists. Their opponents begin with King and Queen, but *they* always start with 2 Queens.

  • 3 years ago

    AWARDCHESS

    2 friends see themselves by the street and one of them says:
    - My wife says that if tomorrow I go to the chess match, it will take my children and it will leave me.
    The other friend asks to him:
    - And what you will do?
    And the other answers to him:
    - E4, how always!

  • 3 years ago

    AWARDCHESS

    "So I was having dinner with Garry Kasparov - Problem was, we had a checkered tablecloth and it took him two hours to pass the salt!"

  • 3 years ago

    AWARDCHESS

    Q. Which chess piece is the most powerful?
    A. The Knight, It goes over the top.

  • 3 years ago

    AWARDCHESS

    Frasier: I can see why she likes the game - "the king is stationary, the queen has all the power".

  • 3 years ago

    AWARDCHESS

    A Chess Player is walking from the lake carrying two fish in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license. The Chess player says to the warden, "I did not catch these fish, they are my pets's pawn. Everyday I come down to the water and whistle and these fish jump out and I take around to see the sights only to return them at the end of the day; remember that the Chess Board is like an ocean; full of fish". The warden, does not play chess, he not had any idea what he's taking about; not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The Chess Player turns to the warden and says,
    "CHECK" "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the fish back into the water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your fish and show me that they will come out of the water." The Chess Player turns to the warden and says, "What fish!?"

  • 3 years ago

    AWARDCHESS

    In a park people come across a man playing chess against a dog. They are astonished and say:
    "What a clever dog!"
    But the man protests:
    "No, no, he isn't that clever. I'm leading by three games to one!"

  • 3 years ago

    AWARDCHESS


    A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
    "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
    "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

Back to Top

Post your reply: