hahahaha! okay, i get giddy!! funny shit!!

hahahahahahaaaa! good one :D

A man really wanted a parrot but was sort of lazy and didn't want to train it to speak. He went to a pet shop and decided to buy a second hand parrot who's owner had died.

He brought it home and was very excited so he invited his friends over to see it. As soon as his friends got there the parrot started screeching foul words at them, embarrasing his new owner, until they left.

His parents were coming over so he told the bird "Look, I don't know what your last owner considered acceptable but in this house you are not allowed to use those words. My parents are coming over so you had better be on your best behaviour." When his parents arrived the parrot acted the same way as when the man's friends were over.

The man was furious. He told the parrot "My girlfriend is coming over. If you behave the same way when she is here I will toss you into the freezer!" This did not deter the parrot. When his girlfriend got there he behaved the same way.

When she left the man took the parrot and tossed him in the freezer. In seconds the parrot started screaming "I WILL NEVER USE FOUL WORDS AGAIN! PLEASE LET ME OUT!" The man took him out and said "I am glad you learned your lesson." The parrot responed "You won't have to worry about me any more. But, if you don't mind me asking, what did the turkey say?"

well, i sorta know what rat meant..what throws me off a bit is that she said  "yes?" in a hoarse voice. why mention that if its not in some way significant. after much pondering, i decided it was a red herring, and then it actually ADDS to the joke  

Smart Parrot

A guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings.

"Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper.

"And what happens if I pull both the strings?" our curious shopper inquires.

"I fall off my perch you fool!!" screeches the parrot.

Polynesia: Memory loss in parrots

cute Ross the Parrot

hey Doc, what about that as an avatar

hahahahaha

@ CJ, that was the official Sunday School joke! And on Christian Singles meeting

@ Bob, there was another version on that, four sons, each of them gave their mom a gift, car, house, parrot

@DalaiLuke, glad you liked it

@Rat, the Parrot wanted to call the woman, ugly!

thank you all for the posts

A lady is walking down the street to work and sees a parrot in a pet store. She stops to admire the bird. The parrot says to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot upon seeing her says, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now. The next day on the way to work she saw the same parrot and once again it said, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so furious that she stormed into the store and threatened to sue the store and have the bird killed. The store manager apologized profusely and promised the bird wouldn't say it again.

The next day, when the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, "Hey lady." She paused, scowled with an icy and deadly stare, and said with a hoarse voice, "Yes?" The bird, strutting back and forth on its perch in a cocky manner, said, "You know."

i did not get the ending

very funny, all of it!  thanks for the laughs :)

my uncle went to live in south america once..at xmas, he shipped home this beautiful parrot. it was stunning, big, red, with a blue head. so my grandparents cooked it and ate it..and it was delicious. a few days after xmas, my uncle phoned home and asked if the parrot had arrived. yes, said my grandfather, thank you very much...it was a beautiful bird. and it was delicious. "what? you didnt really eat it?!!?" "why yes" said my grandfather. "It IS xmas..why would you send a bird home if not to eat?" "oh no, dad" my uncle said, "that bird cost me $500!! that was a very rare and highly intelligent bird..it could speak 3 languages!" my grandfather said "well, he shoulda said something".

That one's funny, RuralRob.

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly froze in his tracks when a loud cried out:

"Jesus is watching you."

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.

"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.

The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. He looked around frantically. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.

"Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" he asked.

"Yes", said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot: "What's your name?"

"Clarence," said the bird.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"

"The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus," the parrot replied.

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical-looking parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs $500."

"Why does the parrot cost so much?" asks the customer. The owner says "Well, the parrot knows how to do legal research."

The customer then asks about the next parrot, to be told that this one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to write a brief that will win any case.

Naturally, the increasingly startled customer asks about the third parrot, to be told that it costs $4,000. Needless to say, this begs the question, "What can it do?" To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner."

Nice parrot pictures Doc and CJ

the first one is cute

I love it when parrots give you the quizzical look.

The sun conure I have does this:

Head slightly tilted & looking at the thing in question

(note, that isn't my bird but a professional Sun Conure from the internet taken by someone who knows how to take pictures.)

The Cockatiels not only to a weird stare, but also have that Don King hair-do thing when on alert.

Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?

So he could be polyunsaturated.