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Is hello necessary?

I must say I have had quite enough of people who belittle others to make themselves feel bigger.

On this site you reach out and challenge members for a game and if there is some chess chemistry there, you may go on to play many other games. Well This is what happened with an opponent of mine. We have played two games in the past and I have lost, but I wished to keep up our challenge. I never took stock to see how much we were messaging back and forth, but as in most of my games, I send a message when necessary or in response to a message sent to me. Well after losing yet another game I requested a rematch, hoping that I was not being a nuisance. When I signed in the next day my opponent was offline, but I noticed they had responded with kind words to my game request. I made my first move and added conditional moves, as I was familiar with the sequence.

Upon signing in a little later I was greeted with the note "well in my country the first thing people say to each other is hello; what about your country"? I stared at the note in disbelief. I wasn't sure if I should ignore it or blaze him with my wit (hence the name Badgal4ever). No matter how sophisticated I have become, I am still a ghetto girl. "You can take the girl out of the bad, but not the bad out of the girl".

I decided to show him the errors of his ways, knowing we would still have to continue our game, I would have to be tactful and I did not want to cause any contention. I replied to his question; "There are two reasons why I didn't say hello.  1) You were not online and as soon as we were on together I would have said hello. 2) In chess there is a different etiquette than all other social gatherings. It is OK to sit in comfortable silence if you choose. I also notice that in your determination to say a snide remark to me, you forgot to say hello as well".

Please leave a comment to let me know if I am in the wrong... I would love to know.

ONE LOVE
Badga4ever

P.S we have since continued our game with friendly banter, but I really would like to know if hello is necessary or if you do say hello and your opponent does not respond is that rude?

Comments


  • 3 years ago

    Badgal4ever

    Oh my goodness  Avrilmai, I am in tears right now! Can you imagine, someone responding like that? I have no clue what i would do or say. Trust me your sense of humor is beyond bent and I LOVE IT!

    I have since leaned to say hello first if I am playing white and if there is no response, it gives me more incentive to kick their butt!

    Stay funny!

  • 3 years ago

    Avrilmai

    I love these!..It's almost like going to a a party. Only you get to hear yourself think. Well. I am really big on manners but I also have a really bent sense of humour. Personally I always say hi. I don't get all cut and precious if I don't get an answer. People play on phones, don't always see text etc. I ask people if they like to talk or not and say either fine..because it is. But I ask them to at least respond to that so I don't end up having a conversation with myself. I just get continued silence I assume they can't see the text and I send a message. If that gets no response, well in anybody's language, that is just plain effing rude. So I just close the chat box and carry on with the game. If they challenge me again I knock them back. But I don't usually say "how are you. It means nothing because few people are prepared for a response other than. "Fine thanks and you?" I wonder how people would feel if they said to me "How are you"..and I said "OMG l'm glad you asked. I have a urinary tract infection, hives and piles..my boyfriend has just told me he is gay. I had a transmission failure on the freeway today. My neighbour is taking me to court for noise pollution and two cops are walking up my front path with their guns drawn..and you?"..I just say.. "I hope you are well. Good luck" If I don;t feel like talking I tell people and apologise. I say sorry because I know lots of people play here for the social contact as much as the chess. To me a game without chat is like TV without the sound. But I always acknowledge my opponent each time I log on after I have been absent. I just think that's plain good manners in anybody's language.

  • 3 years ago

    Badgal4ever

    I guess that's the thing Rafa, because we are online we tend to forget about common courtesy. I do so in my turn based games, but not all my live ones as chess.com by mobile doesn't allow it.

  • 3 years ago

    Rafa2001

    Sometimes I say "Hi" but normally I wait for the other person to greet me first but after a long game if i win or lose I always say thank u for the game etc. There is of course customary to shake hands before a game in real life and also after each game and one would hope the same would go for longer games in here.

  • 3 years ago

    Badgal4ever

    Hi Chessman! Thanks for your response. Yes I like to greet people in our first game or if when haven't played for sometime, but other than that, I agree with you. We are there to just have fun. Isn't uncanny the amount of people that like to chat crap to distract you? I think that says nothing about their skill.

    I really enjoyed our games too and will add you as a friend, after all we are 1W/1L and we cannot leave things like that can we? :)

    I will do my best in the tourny. I am slowing down now, but my last opponant is not one to be taken lightly. Our history is 3W/1L for me, but our last game was extremely tough. Hopefully I can get by on a little more than luck. See you over the board!

  • 3 years ago

    ChessmanOMG

    HELLO Laughing excuse the pun!!! Badgirl having just look at your post I sat there thinking that this person that you were playing sounds as if he or she is a very bored lonely person and have nothing better to do but complain to other players about nothing for the hope of distracting them from their game I truely beleive that you were in the right and have done nothing out of line what's so ever I might also add that the tournament called quick tournament in which we played against each other YOU were the one that said hello to me and as I do some times I will say hi and sometimes you don't even notice that your opponent has even left a message so hello no hello who care's as long as your games are fun and challenging. All this a side you have 2 games left in the fore mentioned tourney i played you in and would love very much if you could win both of those games so that I can remain in second and get to the next rd as this is a cheeky request I hope you take it as a joke but still win Undecided

    Anyway I wish you luck in all your games in the future and if you want send me a friend request so that we can play more offten as I did like playing against you.  

    All the best and never lose ya bad gives ya spirit Smile

  • 4 years ago

    Badgal4ever

    SealedI agree, thanks

  • 4 years ago

    Gbub

    "It is OK to sit in comfortable silence if you choose" It's your right

  • 4 years ago

    Badgal4ever

    WOW! Thank you Amymarie!

  • 4 years ago

    amymarie

    You have a special knack with writing. I really like your blogs. :)

  • 4 years ago

    TransmogrifyYa

    This is actually an interesting question really. Personally I find it depends on my mood at the time. Often I am perfectly content to play a run of games with no hello, no hi, nothing and think nothing of it. Other times I can feel a bit awkward nobody has said anything :) be it people I know or not. I guess the polite thing to do is just to say hi or hello but not everybody do it including my self often lol. In thinking on it more, I suppose a 2 letter hi at least, wouldn't kill any of us to do ;)

  • 4 years ago

    acortez20

    I enjoyed reading your post, I would not worry too much, if someone feels like your oponent did, let it be their problem not yours.

  • 4 years ago

    mountainsong

    If it's someone I haven't played before, I don't say hello unless they do. If it's someone I'm comfortable with, I will go ahead and say hello. If someone that I don't know, does not respond to my greeting...it doesn't bother me, and I agree with your response to this person.

  • 5 years ago

    Badgal4ever

    That proverb is too funny! Thank you for your words of wisdom. I have always been one to take inventory of myself, so i can see myself quite clearly, when I do look. My problem is I get so caught up in my everyday life and get pretty stress out before I step back and realize that I am letting simple things get to me. Once I notice that, it's all good until next time. Wink As I get older my peaceful times last longer though.

  • 5 years ago

    donnie-ray

    we will never sprout wings....we simply strive for progress not perfection....as i age....i find that my inner peace becomes a more sacred thing not to be treated lightly and i attempt to learn ways to fend off the negative energy and venom that exist.........i used to hold a grudge for a looonnnnggg time until someone asked me...why do you allow this person to occupy space in your mind...yet he pays no rent....so i think we must not get either drift into morbid reflection or get down on ourselves when we do not meet our goals....we let yesterdays mistakes stay there and try to  do better...of course you know what confucious say.....man who has one eye on past and one eye on future is crosseyed in the now

  • 5 years ago

    Badgal4ever

    Donnie Ray, that is so true! But i like to vent first sometimes and reflect later... kind of a vicious cycle for me, but I am getting better!

  • 5 years ago

    donnie-ray

    one of life's basic rules states "if i am disturbed the problem lay with in me"...does that mean when i am disturbed have i always "done" wrong...not to my understanding....to me it means if anything disturbs me i must look in me to see what is amiss......do i always do this? hardly.....i find more than average arrogance on chess,com...i enjoy playing...i don't know the number nor letters nor do i read strategy....i was once referred to as an insult to the game.....if that statement p---------d me off it would be because it simply triggered an insecurity with in me therefore the "problem or wrong" is within me therefore i have the ability to quell it and become at peace again.....of course all this talk and 3 us dollars will buy a cup of coffee at the big green monster

  • 6 years ago

    Goodall

    My thought is this:

    I say good day or hello and wish the person good luck. I even attempt to speak a few different languages but sometimes with spelling mistakes.  I am here to learn and also create a friendly atmosphere.  I asked a person 1 time what state that they lived in and the response was something like I was stalking them.  I politely corrected that thought and we did not speak after that. I was just being friendly and trying to ensure that people like Canadians, 99% it works.  So good luck and hopefully we can continue playing/talking?  Rod

  • 6 years ago

    Badgal4ever

    Thanks for the response guys... I do agree, but if I don't say hello does it ruin your day? Is it that important?

  • 6 years ago

    ADK

    I think it's necessary to say, "Hello!" because it can brighten up someone's day!

    ADK

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