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Great Chess Excuses For Losing (14 To Be Exact)

Anyone ever lose to guy way below your rating? Did you give up your queen or something, and have NO GOOD EXCUSES TO HIDE THE TRUTH? Well look no more, I have 14 great excuses for you to use, so that when you do blunder that queen, you can say something like...

1.) After calculating my move for nearly 15 minutes, if white (black) took my queen, which he did, I had an obvious mate in one. But sadly through my time consumption, I had only .194852 seconds left to complete my move... I tried, but I took .194853 seconds to complete my move.

2.)  Instead of punching my clock, I had an arm misfunction and somehow puched my opponnet straight in the face. He suffered a bad bloody nose, but was not severely harmed.

3.) A robber rushed in as I was playing my match. He made a lot of shots, and one knocked over my king. My opponnet's king was left unscathed.

4.) I stopped playing the game to help an old lady across the street. I got five bucks in the process, but lost my game on time.

5.) I was disqualified for making my opponnet blinded by my awesomeness.

6.) I sneezed and my king fell over. After brutal discussion, I was told to have "resigned unintentionally." Whatever that means.

7.) My opponnet had a note from home that excused him from playing me. It also said that I should lose that match.

8.) The clock ran out of batteries, so whoever had more material at the end was counted as the winner? And who do you think was down the exchange for a postional advantage at this time?

9.) I wasn't "cool enough" for my opponnet. Says the guy with Hello Kitty underwear.

10.) Somehow my opponnet was Garry Kasparov.

11.) Somehow my opponnet was Magnus Carlsen.

12.) My opponnet was annoyed by me blinking. According to USCF rules, if one does not stop bothering their opponnet for proper reasoning, I automatically lose. Some proper reasoning.

13.) I was accused of being a chess spy for Russia because of my T-Shirt. Don't ask what it said.

14.) I didn't mean to.

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