Upgrade to Chess.com Premium!

Sex Appeal at the Chess Board

No, this isn't a story about Alexandra Kosteniuk (pictured) or even Arianne Caoili, the femme fatale behind Gormallygate. It's about queens, and the part they play in the royal game. Sometimes there can be too many queens on the board, sometimes we'd rather they went away and got on with their knitting, and sometimes we ignore them when there's one standing at the door waiting to come in.

The first game could almost be titled Ménage à l'échecs as Edward Lasker's king found himself receiving close attention from not one queen but four. He had an attack of the vapours and expired on the side of the board but, hey! what a way to die! (If you don't want to play through the whole game you can go straight to the critical position by clicking on the final move.)

 

I know that Feminism doesn't necessarily expect the kind of “women and children first” consideration that was taken for granted in days of yore, but surely the misogynistic high-handedness with which Edwin Ziegler Adams treated his queen should enrage even the mildest of hearts. He valued her so little that he tried to give her away. Six times! His opponent, Carlos Torre-Repetto, was obviously a gentleman and kept refusing but he resigned when he couldn't avoid the capture any longer.

 

The Australian expression “fair dinkum” is usually taken to mean that something is true or can be trusted. So if a man is “fair dinkum” he is as honest as he appears to be. But there's another meaning of the word and, followed by an exclamation point and a couple of queries (!??) it means, “You've gotta be kidding me, right?” “Fair dinkum!??” following Mr Wiede's third move in the next game is a cry of total incredulity.

In this super-brevity Black shows his total disregard for the queen's status when, instead of playing 7...gxh1=Q he opts for a lackey instead. Mind you, it was a very versatile lackey!

 

From my own games, my best Queen memory resulted in me becoming a Hungarian—if only for a year or two. It happened during my second year of competition and I was playing for Sydney's Maroczy Chess Club in the annual interclub competition.

I was in the B-Reserve team (equivalent to a modern Under 1400 team) and, as winners of the Eastern group, we had to play St. George who won the Southern area and Parramatta who won the West. After the play-off we were still tied with St. George and backed up for one more match.

I had played my opponent four times previously and had lost every time and on this occasion, with all the other games finished and the team score level at 2-2, I was losing again.

Everybody was gathered around the board and Col attacked my bishop. I saw a glimmer of hope, and with more luck than judgment, pushed a pawn. After he captured my piece he realised he couldn't stop the pawn and it queened. It's the only time that, under competition conditions, I've had two queens on the board at the same time. It felt great!

There was much merriment, bottles of Tokaji were produced, and I was declared an honorary Hungarian for the remainder of my stay with the club.

Comments


  • 5 years ago

    Dozy

    chengchaoyi:   this is a good way of showing people how don't know how to play chess how to play chess i like your first game most can you send me a friend request thanks.

    Glad you liked it, chengchaoyi. Sure, I'll be happy to send you a friend request, even if you do live in Melbourne. Cool

    And for those people who don't know about the Sydney - Melbourne rivalry, we in the north usually refer to Melbourne as an "outer suburb" of Sydney. About 1,000 kms out!

    In fact, Perth (the home of kco, and far away on Australia's west coast) is actually an aboriginal word meaning "not far enough from Melbourne". Smile

    (The Melbournians say the same sort of things about us...)

  • 5 years ago

    Dozy

    cunctatorg:  Gentlemen, I vote for Arianne Caoili ...even Epishin lost his Queen in one move.

    You obviously clicked the link to my Gormallygate story.

    That story wasn't planned but when we had a surge of 4,000 hits on the Rooty Hill Chess Club website (it's only a suburban chess club and we had never had that much attention) I went looking to see what had caused it, and found that everybody had been Googling "Arianne Caoili". Our only reference to her at that time was a game played in the Australian Open so I wrote the "Two Kings and a Queen" piece to see if it would attract visitors back.  It did.

    (In fact, it attracted so many people that if you Google "gormallygate" the Rooty Hill story comes up as the top hit, although that may be because I'm using Google Australia. It  may be different elsewhere in the world.)

    It was rather like the response to this blog which attracted a lot of attention on the words "sex appeal" and a rather modest pic of Alexandra Kosteniuk -- and this in spite of my first paragraph, which warned that it was only about queens.

    It's widely known that Arianne was a finalist in Dancing With the Stars. What isn't as well known is that she was deliberately nobbled by one of the judges the week before the final. He falsely accused her of cheating and that was enough to swing the viewer votes to her opponent. And since, in a two person final, only the viewers' votes count, it didn't matter how well she danced on the final night, she had already been eliminated.

    Why did he do it? That hasn't been made public, but there have been occasional claims by other contestants that the voting is weighted to favour one contestant over another for reasons that seem appropriate to the host channel.

  • 5 years ago

    chengchaoyi

    this is a good way of showing people how don't know how to play chess how to play chess i like your first game most can you send me a friend request thanks.

  • 5 years ago

    NM GreenLaser

    Dozy wrote, "I had a mental picture of Christmas trees all over Oz festooned with sets of choppers instead of decorations."

    Now that gives me a mental image of a Broadway play and movie "Little Shop of Horrors" that could be remade by you as Little Chop of Horrors. There was a  potted plant that ate people and became larger as it ate. Your tree could do that.

  • 5 years ago

    Dozy

    NM GreenLaserHear teeth? I looked at your picture. I'm not going to ask about your teeth if you don't ask about my hearing.

    Back in my triathlon days my training partner was a dental technician. I don't know if you call them that in the States but he was a guy who made dentures. He once told me that the pre-Christmas period is his busiest time and I had a mental picture of Christmas trees all over Oz festooned with sets of choppers instead of decorations.

    I was wrong, of course. The rush was so that his customers could enjoy their Christmas dinners. Still, the image of those decorative choppers remains with me.

    But hearing? When I went to see about a hearing aid the audiologist asked why I was deafer in my left ear than my right. It was from all those years with my head held near a morse sounder. (They're a lot noisier than the head-sets and oscillators used for radio morse code.)

    Morse Sounder

  • 5 years ago

    NM GreenLaser

    B97, Are you sure you mean "über-noob," or do you mean unternoob?

    Dozy, wrote "The noise you can hear across all those thousands of miles of raging ocean is the sound of my teeth grinding together..."

    Hear teeth? I looked at your picture. I'm not going to ask about your teeth if you don't ask about my hearing.

  • 5 years ago

    Dozy

    B97:  Dude, I thought I was a noob at chess but it seems like Herr Weide in the King's Gambit game was an über-noob. :-/

    LOL, I guess he must have been. I gotta confess I haven't heard the expression before but it certainly sounds apt.

  • 5 years ago

    B97

    Dude, I thought I was a noob at chess but it seems like Herr Weide in the King's Gambit game was an über-noob. :-/

  • 5 years ago

    Dozy

    Caliphigia:  While voting with both hands for more pictures of Aleksandra, I must put forward my request for more pictures of Maria Manakova.

    And a treat for the eyes they would be. But I'm fascinated by your name.  I once wrote a short verse about a callipygian rhapsody but caliphigia sounds as though it might be related.

    Also related to callipygians was my earlier blog Bums on Seats.

    soothsayer8   That third game was quite incredible, a 7 move checkmate with a pawn promotion? Never seen anything like that, well executed by black.

    You need a very cooperative opponent to get mates like that, soothsayer. If somebody gave me an opportunity like that I'd start believing in the tooth fairy. :-)

  • 5 years ago

    soothsayer8

    That third game was quite incredible, a 7 move checkmate with a pawn promotion? Never seen anything like that, well executed by black.

  • 5 years ago

    Caliphigia

    While voting with both hands for more pictures of Aleksndra, I must put forward my request for more pictures of Maria Manakova.

  • 5 years ago

    Dozy

    Starwraith: ...And it was quite a good read as well, so thanks!

    And thank you too, Starwraith; and good luck with that job search.

    Kunduk: CHESS is a very PASSIONATE game, you know..

    I can still remember an outraged comment from my Hungarian teacher when he read a magazine article saying, more or less, that chess is only a game and it doesn't really matter who wins.  He threw the magazine down on the table and yelled, "What does this fool know?"  Yes, Kunduk, it's very passionate ... but your point is also taken :-)

  • 5 years ago

    kunduk

    CHESS is a very PASSIONATE game, you know..

  • 5 years ago

    starwraith

    Dozy: "Thanks VPA. My last post didn't attract as many readers as usual and I wondered if SEX would get a better response. Wink I'll have to wait and see."

    You caught my attention!  And it was quite a good read as well, so thanks!

  • 5 years ago

    Dozy

    NM GreenLaser     That could be solved with fly paper.

    Ooooh!

    The noise you can hear across all those thousands of miles of raging ocean is the sound of my teeth grinding together...


  • 5 years ago

    NM GreenLaser

    Dozy wrote, "LOL. You're a menace, GL. The poor man must have been wondering if his fly was undone..."

    That could be solved with fly paper.

  • 5 years ago

    hackattack

    oh crap! sorry, i meant the game where the queen kept on chasing the other queen to get of the back rank...

  • 5 years ago

    Dozy

    NM GreenLaser    As I received it back rolled up, the comedian saw what happened. He then said he understood why the laughs were coming at the wrong time. He was not aware of the reason until then.

    LOL. You're a menace, GL. The poor man must have been wondering if his fly was undone...

  • 5 years ago

    Dozy

    dimitriosg2002   Thanks for the puzzle Dimitrios. I must confess I failed to work it out. I was OK with the Rook check but didn't see the Queen check which was very pretty indeed.

  • 5 years ago

    Dozy

    Celtic_Merlin: MORE pictures of Alexandra Kosteniuk WILL BE NECESSARY if we're to take you at all seriously in the future. Dozy.

    One thing you should never do, C_M is take me seriously. I have a PhD in Bulldust. However, on this occasion, you're perfectly correct: I did deliberately set a false trail, though I can claim to have warned everybody at the beginning that it wasn't about Alexandra. But, just for you, here's another pic of the lady concerned. Gift-wrapped!

    Alexandra Kosteniuk

    And, by-the-way, did you realise that Celtic Merlin is probably a tautology? As far as I know Merlin is a Celtic word so you're really a Celtic falcon: i.e. a Merlin.

    ... After further thought I guess the Celtic word is myrddin so you were right and I was wrong.  Serve me right for showing off.  Sorry.

Back to Top

Post your reply: