Birthdays

Hi all!

Let me clarify some things about myself:
I don't pity my own life. I'm not envious with other people. I needn't have your stuff, I needn't have your talents, and I needn't have your physique. I'm more than okay the way I am in all three areas.

But there is one thing troubling me which I wish to share with you. It's something that gives me tears in my eyes.

The worst time of year to have your birthday is during the summer recess. Not because of the weather, which is usually great, but because it's impossible to throw a birthday party.

I am lucky that July 7th is at the start of the summer vacation and most people haven't set the sails. But my mom's birthday is on August 4th.
When she was in highschool, year after year, they had left to Italy or Spain having the time of my life.
And she was at home.
Having a party.
By herself.
And no-one came.
No-one came.
No-one. 

Just sit there for a moment and try to imagine the grief, the pain she must have felt. Feeling more lonely, more deserted, more abandoned than that is hardly conceivable.

What had to be the happiest day of the year for her turned into the loneliest one.

This year my mom turned 39 for the 22nd consecutive time, and she wanted to have a party with me and my brother. It ended up being just me and her. My brother had "obligations with his girlfriend's family."

"That will be the last time I've bothered to give a birthday party," she said. "I never want to experience this kind of grief ever again."

Love, Simone