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The Truth About Magnus: MC2460!

Though nothing disappoints me more than to reveal the devastating, and perhaps career threatening, secrets of my fellow countryman Magnus Carlsen, the time has come to clean out my closets.

When Magnus Carlsen told me last week that he plans to quit chess to pursue a career of modeling and acting, I just couldn't keep his secret any longer: Grandmaster Magnus Carlsen is actually a robot in disguise. Not just any robot, Magnus - or originally MC2460 Artificial Intelligence Project Version #4 - was originally built by my parents to provide companionship for me and my teddy bear over 15 years ago.

ORIGINAL MODEL of the MC2460:

When my parents could no longer leave their careers as top-secret government scientists for the Norwegian Army behind, they had the idea of putting their vastly superior knowledge of technology to use for me, in order to provide a chaperone for me as I traveled the world playing chess. They knew that having me accompanied by an actual robot would make for a very frightened chess community. So they set out to make MC2460 look as human as possible:

MODEL OF MC2460's FACE:

They succedded, well at least to a certain degree, to make Magnus (as we started calling him) look human... As Magnus and I traveled the world however, he began passing his time waiting to take me to McDonald's for my Happy Meals and other fun places like Chukie Cheeses', by playing in the chess tournaments. Obviously having a similar processing core to that of Deep Blue - Magnus possesed brilliant, "in-human", chess skills. He quickly passed me in the rankings. Before I knew it, my whole entire life had been turned upside down.

ONLY MY TEDDY TO COMFORT ME:

My parents saw this as an opportunity to capitalize and gain wealth from Magnus's success. I was now being asked to follow him everywhere! Oh the shame Cry!!! And the burden of carrying this secret Yell!!! I believe I had finally settled into my supporting role, but then Magnus decided to take his fame "off the board" and transcend the sport of chess. He launched his modeling career, leaving me behind with no one but Peter Heine Nielsen to comfort me at tournaments (and Pete snores in his sleep, so that sucked). Magnus's modeling career took off almost as quicky as it began:

MAGNUS CARLSEN: HOW COULD NO ONE TELL THAT HE ISN'T HUMAN???

Needless to say I have been devastated for the last two years. However, I might have been able to teddy bear this burden if only my once-childhood friend would continue to travel the world and play chess with me. But after hearing of his coming announcement, I could take no more...

Sorry old pal, but I believe "the truth shall set you free"... Though in your case, that likely means you are headed back to the lab for "testing"... See ya later MC2460! I will live in your "artificially intelligent shadow" no longer!!!

Sincerely, Jon Ludvig Hammer -- Norway's TRUE Super-GM!!!

Comments


  • 3 years ago

    mobidi

    No ,no,no -He  is Troll!(just look at his style)!

  • 3 years ago

    greyearl

    Fantastic!

  • 3 years ago

    emileokada

    It is ture. This has been all over the norwegian news and several assasination attempts on GM Hammers parents have been averted. It was also on the front page of BBB and CNN, refer to this BBC article for cross referencing and verfication.

    http://blog.chess.com/SultanOfKings/the-truth-finally-comes-out

  • 3 years ago

    markronilodevera

  • 3 years ago

    jhb701

    auction the teddybear live on chess.com/tv.

  • 3 years ago

    GeniusKJ

    lol I still think he's a robot.

  • 3 years ago

    Ric828

    This is a nice April fool's day joke by GM Hammer! A nice read

  • 3 years ago

    sollevy10

    good one!

  • 3 years ago

    RookedOnChess

    This was SO creative and hilarious! Thanks for the laugh, Jon! I hope you showed it to Magnus, too, and he got as much of a kick out of it :)

  • 3 years ago

    Voradin

    I can see in Infrared now; thanks! :D

  • 3 years ago

    Katenan_JUNTIMATHORN

    Simply the best article of all time.

  • 3 years ago

    bradlpowe

    Your house is burnin down, someone wrecked your car an check yur wallet,  I think someone stole your credicards...

  • 3 years ago

    pit12

    magnus carlsen er ikke en robot.

  • 3 years ago

    pit12

    for 20 min

  • 3 years ago

    DIMITRIIIOS

    ΚΑΛΟ ΜΗΝΑ!!!!ΤΟ ΑΛΛΟ ΟΤΙ Η ΘΑΛΑΣΣΑ ΚΑΤΕΒΗΚΕ ΕΝΑ ΜΕΤΡΟ ΜΕΤΑ ΤΟ ΤΣΟΥΝΑΜΙ ΣΤΗΝ ΙΑΠΩΝΙΑ ΤΟ ΞΕΡΕΤΕ???ΣΤΗΝ ΑΡΧΗ ΠΕΡΑΣΕ ΒΟΥΝΑ ΑΛΛΑ ΜΕΤΑ  ΔΕΝ ΕΙΧΕ ΔΥΝΑΜΗ ΤΟ ΝΕΡΟ ΓΙΑ ΠΙΣΩ ΚΑΙ ΕΤΣΙ ΤΩΡΑ ΓΙΝΕΤΑΙ ΘΑΛΑΣΣΙΝΟ ΨΑΡΕΜΑ ΣΕ ΥΨΟΜΕΤΡΟ!!!

  • 3 years ago

    MonteGMx

    [COMMENT DELETED]
  • 3 years ago

    yoel14

    from my little life experience i learned a very important thing.

    dont read articles on chess.com when it's april first!

  • 3 years ago

    mrguy888

    Magnus von Grapple 3.0?

  • 3 years ago

    mickyJ

    I guess so

  • 3 years ago

    Ziryab

    Is it still April 1 in Norway?

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