Twas the night before Christmas, when all through chess.com,
Not a gambit was playing, not even a From.
The pieces were hung by the patzers who created,
Some trap in hope some master would get mated.
The players were nestled all around their chess sets,
While visions of checkmate would help win their bets.
And Batgirl in her cape, and I in my socks,
Had just settled our brains for a long game with clocks.
When out on the Internet there was such a chatter,
I turned chat on to see what was the matter.
Away to my Windows I downloaded my Flash,
I opened the file and hoped Windows wouldn't crash.
The text was a chess game written in PGN,
with a diagram showing all the chessmen.
When, what to my wondering eyes should I see,
An interesting chess problem, with mate in three.
With such a chess ending, so lively and quick,
It had to be solved with some sort of trick.
Perhaps White promotes to a knight or a rook,
Whatever the solution, it's not in the book.
Now Sherzer! now Serper! now Polgar and Aronian!
Oh Kramnik! Oh Gelfand! Oh Svidler and Carlsen!
To the top of the FIDE list. To the top of the rating.
Grandmasters all! You should all be mating.
I returned to chess.com to play some more blitz,
I got beaten, perhaps it was by Fritz.
How is it that they play faster than Wall?
Even in bullet chess, I get beat by all!
Perhaps I am playing some chess Grandmaster,
Who knows how to play much, much faster.
His moves are strong and I haven't a clue,
I feel like I am playing IBM's Deep Blue.
And then in a twinkling, I get checkmated,
I lost another chess game that was rated.
I offered a draw, but it was turned down,
No perpetual check was ever found.
I challenged him again, but fell into a trap,
I have had enough of this chess crap.
But as I was resigning and was leaving the site,
Erik emailed me "Happy Christmas to Wall, and to Wall a good-knight."