How to annotate your games and make history!

A number of years ago, I was playing a lot of 15 minute games with a friend of mine; a better player in fact. Occasionally, we'd review various books and came upon the following (true) hilarious annotation:

Black's King senses victory and moves to his viewing balcony!

This struck us as so incredibly ludicrous that we began noting and annotating our own games, in increasingly bizarre ways...

White touches Black richly...on the pads!

and

The chemistry and physics of White's game are about to fuse hydrogen nucleii into helium...

Because I absolutely, resolutely and steadfastly refuse to treat chess as anything other than a game (which it is!) I've begun to experiment by annotating my 10 minute live games on the fly.

A recent opponent was treated to the following:

White makes yet another hideous surgical incision into the sickening lower bowel of Black's position!

This struck me as so brilliantly hilarious, it actually resulted in gales of (my own) laughter, followed by an endorphin and serotonin release and elevated my game a notch or two higher, leading to:

Unknown to Black, his IV drip is about to become stagnant and void...

I encourage all chess fanatics to experiment with wonderously bizarre annotations and feel free to send them my way...I'd love to read your own comedic brilliance!

- Dr. Mike