Since so many people insist on giving 2...g5 as the obvious reply in the Barnes, why not use it on the terrible Sicilain Defense?  I mean, only losers like Kasparov play such a trashy attempt against 1. e4.

You guys give me a good laugh.  Melvin, you are correct about the gambit - we discussed that already.  

For everyone who posts a silly response about the Barnes, I will give you an equally ridiculous proposal.  Hey, let's discuss the stupid Ruy Lopez too - only losers play that one too.

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Oddly, I do play to save the world (with predictably lamentable results).

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That's just ridiculous. A real Bongcloud player would never push his king back unless he's forced. 13...Kxc3! is way better, followed by Kb2.

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 This is another thing wrong with 1...f6: Apparently, it induces strange acts of violence. ..... Didn't Alekhine supposedly smash all the furniture in his hotel room after losing a game? I wonder if 1...f6 was involved?

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Pauix, I am sorry - I am not trained in the ancient art of the Bongcloud - thank you for your top secret analysis!  Say, how much do you charge to teach Bongcloud by the way?

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Not only Tony Miles beated a world champion with 1. .. a6 !  112 years before in a simultaneously game against Joseph Henry Blackburne and Wilhelm Steinitz (world champion 1866-1894) one of the black players, John Baker, chose 1. .. a6 as first move in both games and won them both, while most of his colleagues in the display, who chose more acceptable openings, were mercilessly beaten !

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No, f6 is not to play g5 or e5, the better idea is preparing the maneuver Nh6-f7.

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The best way to learn the Bong is through practice. 

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Just think if he would have chosen 1...f6 - they would have cowered and ran like little girls!  Oh, the audacity of thinking he DARE push his f-pawn one more square.  Just who does he think he is anyway?

Thank gambit!  Appreciate guys like you who always bring up something like me that makes this dull discussion of only what is theoretically acceptable more lively!

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Also just to add on...didn't Alekhine once throw his queen across the room? And didn't a player once sneak into the tournament hall and cut off the heads of all the queens...? The list is going on...f6 is the culprit!!

Hey Chris, here's a great Sicilian line for you to research too:

I think this would go good in your collection!

Hang on, let's find some more ridiculous defenses.  Here's one I heard of before called the Caro-Kann, or better yet, the joke of the century:

How about the Petroff - AKA Loser's Defense?

Since it makes so much sense to promote ridiculous lines in the Barnes, why not promote them in the main openings too?  

It makes sense to expose the weaknesses in the Barnes Defense.  Not one of us who defended it ever claimed it was par to any of the defenses I just posted ridiculous lines in.  You guys simply remind me of people who only do what you are told to do.  They tell you you must eat soup with a fork - well, you're gonna do it.  They say play Sicilian - you rush out to buy the newest book.  Ruy is the new thing?  Well, let's chase that car tire.

In the mean time, you cannot tell me one good thing about 1. e4 f6.  I challenge you (EVERY ONE OF YOU) who thinks it is stupid to actually refute it.  Don't post 2...g5 - that shows your lack of creativity.  I want to see the actual refutation.  Get your Fischer ballcap on, big boys.  Until then, keep drooling with 2...g5 and I'll keep posting stupid lines in your beloved openings.  Makes almost as much sense to me.  

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Not play stupid moves to justify your opinion. I wrote "preparing Nh6",  not playing it immediately.

Never heart of the Hippopothamus ? ( or the Krazy Kat, same position but with fianchetting the KB )

f6-g6-Nh6-Nf7-e6-c6-d6-Be7-Nd7-Nf8-b6

it's a position, not a move order. And of course only if the opponent's play permits them.

Chris, it was funny the first TWO times someone posted the obvious lines that not one of us would consider playing...but now it is over 10 times. Amazing - the same joke told at least once a page!  Gets a bit dry.  

I have told people a great gag gift at the chess club for the birthday party would be for the birthday boy to beat everyone in the club by fool's mate just for fun - so it could be done with White or Black!

For future reference, a joke told over and over and over just isn't funny anymore - it really loses something ;-)

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Yes, I've heard the "platypus waddles into a bar..." joke, a thousand times...

Trysts, I don't know that one, so although it would be old for you, I've never heard it :-)

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Neither have I, I was just kidding. It sounded like a funny start to a joke

This one is okay- 

A platypus walks into a bar and tells the bartender,"Got any grapes?" The bartender says ,"No, now go away!." The platypus walks int othe bar again and says, "Got any grapes?" The bartender says,"No and if you ask me that one more time I'll staple your webbed feet into the floor!" The platypus walks into the bar again and says,"Do you have any staples?" And the bartender says,"No." Then the platypus says,"Got any grapes?"

This next one is not too bad - 

The platypus went into a bar. He bought two sodas.  "That'll be $2.50, please" said the bartender.  "Just put it on my bill" said the platypus.

Hey, you can find ANYTHING on the Internet!

http://www.platypus.org.uk/humour01.htm

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Hilarious!