How do you handle a jerk in your chess club ?

 

I don't want to kick anyone out, yet I know the club would grow if he were gone.

Any suggestions on dealing with a cocky 17 year old that won't listen, and talks trash to beginners ?  I don't have any kids of my own, so I don't know how to deal with obstinate resistance to logic and polite persuasion.

alcohol helps, actually just being honest can get the point across

I like the direct approach.  I guess I am trying to be too diplomatic since I run the club.

 

Thanks.

If you tried being polite, you will have to just lay down the law:  "Hey kid, we hae a code of conduct here and if you don't abide by it, I WILL revoke your membership in the club!" 

Talking trash to beginners is grounds for using the boot. Ignoring advice is tolerable. But being disrespectful is not.

If you run the club, what are you waiting for?  You're the head honcho...show him who's boss.  Tell him he'd better shape up or ship out.

I work with his mom.  I am also trying to avoid complications in the workplace.

The plot thickens...

Well I don't really know the situation but I think if anything his mom would be embarassed. I don't think it would lead to complications taken that he's almost an adult.

Then this has nothing to do with chess and everything to do with politics.  I don't care what his problem is, tell him to cool it.  If that doesn't work, think about why being rude is a bad thing...because people will not want to be around you.  When a warning doesn't work, you enforce the punishment.  Tell the other players not to play against him.  At school, we have a homeless cocaine addict that insists on coming to club and eventually begs everyone for money.  I won't play him because I despise him.  If you all boycott his behavior, then he'll move on and so will you.

I would talk to him privately and be very clear about his behavior and if that doesn't stop the behavior, remove him from the club.

One night an arrogant newcomer showed up at our chess club. I played him. He would comment on how stupid my moves were. He even laughed at some of my moves, sniggered at them. He beat me repeatedly. I didn't play him anymore after that first night. But he kept coming, playing others while displaying the same obnoxious behavior and beating everyone.

Then we had a club tournament. I was paired against him in the first round. He had the White pieces. In a cold controlled rage of brutal revenge, I played a French Defense of great precision. He was not laughing as I expanded on the queenside. First I won a pawn. Then I won another. With my position superior and two pawns difference, he didn't play through to the endgame. He resigned and left without a word. Apparently humiliated by my beating him, he did not return for the rest of the tournament games, and in fact never came back to the chess club again.

It sounds like a pretty direct approach wins in a landslide. 

If I do have to follow through and remove him, do you think it will sour him on chess in general ?   On one hand, if it does, the less jerks playing chess, the better for us.  On the other hand, I don't want be responsible for pushing him away from a game that we all enjoy, and for which he seems to have tremendous apptitude.  Maybe that is me making an excuse for being nonconfrontational, but maybe it has some merit.  This kid is no Bobby, but I'm sure he was tough to handle too.  Any thougts? 

Ricardo_Morro wrote:

One night an arrogant newcomer showed up at our chess club. I played him. He would comment on how stupid my moves were. He even laughed at some of my moves, sniggered at them. He beat me repeatedly. I didn't play him anymore after that first night. But he kept coming, playing others while displaying the same obnoxious behavior and beating everyone.

Then we had a club tournament. I was paired against him in the first round. He had the White pieces. In a cold controlled rage of brutal revenge, I played a French Defense of great precision. He was not laughing as I expanded on the queenside. First I won a pawn. Then I won another. With my position superior and two pawns difference, he didn't play through to the endgame. He resigned and left without a word. Apparently humiliated by my beating him, he did not return for the rest of the tournament games, and in fact never came back to the chess club again.

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That story warms my heart.

I had that trouble once or twice i just decided to beat him badly ands make him look stupid. Might have been childish i know but he didnt like it much and chilled out by the time i mentioned how me beating him badly feels and how him doing that and mocking them feels . But i would talk to him seriously in front of his mother first though.....

littleman wrote: I had that trouble once or twice i just decided to beat him badly ands make him look stupid. Might have been childish i know but he didnt like it much and chilled out by the time i mentioned how me beating him badly feels and how him doing that and mocking them feels . But i would talk to him seriously in front of his mother first though.....

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If I could beat him badly, that might work.  Sadly, he is better than me at chess. Our games are always close, usually a pawn makes the diference, but he is better.

I'm fairly certain his mom will take up for him. She believes her son can do no wrong.  Then I have twice the problem.  I can't kick the mom out of work.  In fact she probably has more sway there than me.

Thus the kid gloves hitherto.

Chess and arrogance should not be mixed. It's a game of respect. And I would note that you are dealing w/ a cocky 17 year old. But it seems that the problem lies w/ the fact that you work with his mother. You have to make the decision that is best for the club w/out jeopardizing your proffessional workplace. In response to the last post...if the mother would back her son when you in privately tell her what's going on then she's even more ignorant than him; because she is an adult. Frankly judging by your replies to the posts we've made, it seems as though you've already made a decision as to what course of action would be best for YOU. We don't know the finite details so just do what you think will work best and hope it doesn't come back to haunt you one way or the other.

P.S. Whether the kid is talking trash to Noobs or players more skilled than him, it doesn't make him fit for any club or activity.

Excellent response Derelict.  Thanks.

Did you tell them to pound sand when they feed you the BS ?

It sounds to me that this kid has underlying issues that make him behave this way.  It might be that chess is the only thing he is any good at, and therefore he uses it as a prop to his self esteem.  That said (and its an assumption anyway) there's no excuse for his behaviour.  The way I think it should work is that the club is the most important thing, and the club isnt the building you meet in, it's the people who make it, whether they are good players or not.  The worst case would be if other members left because of him bullying them.  On the other hand, it could be that a push in the right direction could completely change his attitude.  I would suggest talking to him along these lines. 'Look, why do you have an attitude problem towards the other players. Obviously, you must have some sort of problem.  Maybe you find it hard to socially interact, if you want to talk about it you can talk to me man to man.  I promise I wont involve your mother.'

That way, youre not focusing on the chess and not threatening him.  But it implies that he is somehow inferior to the others, not superior.  And it might make him want to change his attitude if he feels pitied.  If that fails, show him the door in the interests of the other players.

One more thing is this.  Presumably you have an AGM?  Next AGM get a secret suggestions box organised that raises the issue of 'members abusing other members' or something like that.  And make sure some senior members get involved in a discussion, not mentioning him particularly, but stressing the existence of the club as a place to make friends and learn.

I just think that by not ostracising him and giving him a chance, it might help him develop as an individual and give back to the club.  And if he's a good player, that could help the club in the long term.