I don't, really. This is just silly fun as are all of my topics I post. Be sure to add yours. Here we go:

 

1. I'm afraid I'll play Cheater_1 and his Gameboy.
2. I'm afraid I'll play King William and his witty wit.
3. I'm afraid I'll play Rael and he'll play rael good.
4. I'm afraid I'll play Erik, beat him, and get banned from chess.com.
5. No way for opponents to vacation abuse me even when I'm losing.
6. I prefer to lose over "days" than "minutes." The sting is less severe.
7. I like it when my .html page refreshes. It's like A.I.
8. iPhone. Enough said.
9. There's got to be some lag from the US to South Africa.
10. All this clickety-click technology frightens me. (Not really.)
11. The pieces look "too real."
12. I demand 3D chess boards for live action.
13. I lost my 3D glasses.
14. I play touch chess and don't have a touch screen monitor.
15. En passant? What'choo talkin' 'bout, Willist?

 

That is all. 

16. I'm scared I'll be playing an engine using a person to help them win >_< yeh

You and Garry have the same problem.

I particularly like rule #6.

 Getting beat in a few days is easier to cope with then getting beaten in a few minutes.

That's exactly what I'm sayin'. 

speed chess always makes me feel like a jittery moron.  i find myself leaving lanes/ranks wide open or forgetting that pawns attack diagonally and lose my queen...  or something really bonehead like that.  I blame TV for making speed chess look so fun/easy.

I already "rot" at slow paced chess. live chess would prove my inadequacy.

 Kinda like it is better to be silent and thought a fool then to speak and remove all doubt.

hi

there