Dear chess.com forum-goers,

It is with sadness that I report that our most esteemed naysayer and resident grouchy mountie TheGrobe this morning suffered a most injurious breakfast calamity, when upon opening his waffle iron he noted the conspicuous absence of a golden-brown glow, confronted instead with the unforgiving blackness of charred batter.

Since I'm so awesome and charitable, I immediately thought; "what better arena to discuss how awesome and charitable I am?"  So, I've spoken to TheGrobe about his tragedy, and he has given us all permission to do the following things:

- Talk about me

- Say if I ever leave again chess.com WOULD DIE

- Mention how great I am for going to the trouble to start this topic

- Say how sad we are for TheGrobe, and work out ways to assist him (optional; I mean, really he just needs maple syrup, and Canadians have lakes made of that shit, right?)

Please, discuss me in any way you can.

does he have a paypal account.  does paypal take payments of white flour?

LET US WORSHIP THE GREAT AND REVERENT THEORETICALBOY FOR HE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN 9/11. HE IS SO AWESOME AND POWERFUL IN THAT WAYS WE CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND, HE WHO KEEPS CHESS.COM RUNNING. WE MUST WORSHIP THIS GREAT DIVINE ENTITY.

I'm pretty sure this is all tied in with the animosity between Canadien and U.S. intelligence agencies.  I think goldendog is to blame for the deletion of TheGrobe's waffles.

Oh, hey, theo', you are a paradigm of selflessness and grace.

theo'boy, i'd be more comfortable if you listed all the charities you regularly donate to.

flags; I have TheGrobe's recipe book, all of his bank account #s (including the Cayman Island's one the government doesn't know about), the name of the alien spacecraft which abducted him when he was six, and his Mountie badge number, which i gather is what Canadians use in lieu of a SSN.

I donate to the following charities on a bi-decadely basis;

- Cubism for Children

- The Royal Society for the Preservation of Snarky Comments

- hairlessalbinocatsarepeopletoo.org

What happened to his mount?  Do you know the horsie's shoe size?

when i was a teenager we lost a plate of waffles to fire.  terrible cirumstance.  i feel for the guy (even though he's a douchbag)

Thanks to all of you, and especially to theoreticalboy.

The waffle iron was under warranty, so I will eventually get back on my feet and have a working appliance that will ensure that I'm kept in light, crispy waffles, but it will be difficult in the immediate term as even with all of the flour, baking soda, eggs, milk and maple syrup you send I fear that I'll be forced to resort to making pancakes for a time.  Even so, every little bit helps.

Please, now is not the time to discuss anything remotely negative; this thread is about coming together as a community and talking about me.

I apologize for the interjection, I know, this thread isn't about me.

No, I believe that would be the badge number of his own personal Mountie, which is one of the perks paid for with Canada's high gasoline taxes.

Thank you so much theoreticalboy for doing this for him.

After receiving TheGrobe's e-mail address through PM I immediately sent away a strawberry plant.

Yes heinzie, you are a kind and generous soul, maybe not as kind and generous as me, but close enough.

p a t h e t i c .

Hey!  Maybe since Jerry Lewis wasn't allowed at this month's Labor Day MDA telethon he might consider doing a telethon to raise money for a replacement waffle iron for Grobe?

@ RD: I feel bad for Alan twice over; for his personal tragedy, and for having his name be responsible for one of the most embarassing threads chess.com has allowed to continue.

And good on you, theoreticalboy, for making sure that thread was at worst the second most embarassing thread that chess.com has allowed to continue.