360. When you're playing an untimed game and you hit the table in an attempt to hit the nonexistent clock.

I do that ALL the time!! 

361. The idea of being in a human chess game thrills you. (Where people are the chess pieces.) 

I hope the time controls are not too long.

If you're going to allow the use of opponent's pieces to block escape squares, of course just two pawns is enough. (One pawn would need to be defended by the king, which is excluded).

363.you always need to wash your pieces before playing

364. you play a game before going out that you lose then you use your whole time trying to figure out how you could defend the position while you're out

365. you have played three games of chess per day at least for the past 365 days.

3 games/year is hardly playing chess too much.

I meant each day so I will edit it.