When you checkmate somebody, you tell their king to go directly to jail and do not pass go.
1000 Signs you play chess too LITTLE!
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You ask the person your playing how the horsee moves? 
145. You like monopoly more than chess.
146. you don't like violence against queen and king. instead you demonstrate peacefully against monarchy.
147. you take pieces by jumping over them with your queen
148. you use your chess board as dinner tray
149. you call the police if someone wants to play bullet with you
150. you try to feed the horsies
151. if your opponent says check, you say "I raise by 50 bucks"
152. you try to cure the bishop from his obsessive-compulsive disorder, because he online steps on fields with equal color
153. you think its pervert to beat the queen
151, lol.
154. You never met a premature queen user.
155. You don't understand why the king is not more powerfull than the queen.
156.Your opponent says checkmate and you think check got married.
157. You play chess with checkers pieces.
158. You insist on promoting your pawn to a fox. Hey! dumb horses are allowed...
159. You call rooks "castles"
160. You think that "check" means to check the board for queen threats
161. You call knights "horseys" or "horse"
162. You insist that having adjacent kings is perfectly legal
163. You checkmate by putting your king adjacent to your opponent's king and think it is checkmate because your king is protected
164. You get mated by Fool's Mate
165. You get mated by Scholar's Mate
166. You think queens can move in L shapes
167. You insist on promoting to another king
168. You think you have to checkmate the queen
169. You take the queen over the king
170. You think chess notation is some kind of spy code
171. You think you can escape checkmate
172. You capture pieces like you would in a game of checkers
173. You use checkers to replace the pawns you are missing
174. You don't know who Magnus Carlsen is
174. You call youself a GM when you reach a rating of 750
175. You play chess like giveaway
176. The only way you can win is to be loud and distract your opponent
you hit your opponent whenever he wins you.
177. You waste your time deciding which pawn to push.
178. Your pawn reaches the back rank and you proudly proclaim, "King me!"
180. White plays 1. e4 and you resign, thinking you're in zugzwang.
181. Your online chess rating is still 1200.
182. You don't play any chess because you're afraid of losing
183. You think Bughouse is a game where you put as many bugs as you can on a chessboard
184. You insist on promoting your pawn to a pawn
185. When your opponent says "check", you move the queen.
186. You put the knights on the c and f files, and put the bishops on the b and g files
187. You don't know what a file is
188. You don't know what a rank is
189. You insist on making a 9x9 chessboard because you need more pieces to win
190. You think that kings can't capture pieces
191. When your opponent says "checkmate", you call another player to check the board
192. You think chess is a card game
193. You spell Bobby Fischer as Bobby Fisher
194. You think Bobby Fischer was a fisherman
195. You think your rating is your ranking, so you think you're the best in the world
196. You think that a fork is when you put the piece on a fork
197. When you create a skewer, you start grilling the pieces on a skewer
141. You buy extra chess pieces to put on the board