1000 Signs you play chess too LITTLE!

247. You throw your knight over the pieces
248. You can't quite learn the pawn moves
249. You resign after you have sacrificed every possible piece (even your king)
250. When your opponent takes a pawn en passant, you say, "How do you do that?"

You say its for idiots.

251. When you see someone is sacrificing his pieces , u said ..that is a "mouse-slip"...

253. Your bishop switches colors

254. Your USCF rating is 0

255. You lose to someone who can't even play chess.

256. You can't fathom why anyone would play hour + games (I actually know someone like this).

257. You can't fathom why anyone would take longer than 10 seconds on each move (same guy).

258. When you say "soulmate" more often than "checkmate" (true story).

260. You are worried that the pieces will commit mutiny.

261)you think the queen can also move like a knight

I've seen this one in real life

262)You don't know what castling is

263)When your opponent says check your opponent says "I didn't know I had to pay"

264)you get checkmated in two moves

265)you agree to play a game with 56 queens and still lose

266)you say "king me" when you promote a pawn 

261. As white, you always play 1.a3 to prevent losing your knight in the Ruy Lopez Exchange Variation.

262. While playing bullet, you lose on time when you keep trying to castle after you've already moved your king

269)when someone says checkmate you think an australian person is checking you

270. You think "blundering" is when you calculate moves outloud.

271. You never play standard time, because you think you have to stand up for 15 minutes while playing.

272. When your opponent uses en passant, you report them to staff for hacking.