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5,000 Signs You Don't Know Enough About Chess


  • 3 years ago · Quote · #501

    chessgm8

    681. You annotate: 2. Hf3 (horsey to f3)
    682. You annotate: 2. Ch3 (castle to h3)
    683. You think a battery is an RC chess piece that can move to anywhere on the board
    684. You hope your opponent will run out of time when it's your move
    685. You call this the Queen's Gambit:



  • 3 years ago · Quote · #502

    chessgm8

    686. You call this the King's Gambit:



  • 3 years ago · Quote · #503

    UltraLaser

    687. When you think a chess clock is used for seeing world times

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #504

    LauriAikio

    688. If You cannot lotto the back row in Random Chess.

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #505

    BigOto

    689. If you think that when a pawn moves up 3 spaces on its first move, it turns into a gorilla. (actual real-life quote from a beginner)

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #506

    Lathspell

    690. When you constantly hang your pieces and think you've just made a sound sacrifice.

    691. When you think that a sound sacrifice is listening to the spice girls while you are playing chess.

    692. You always play the same opening and keep swaping the correct move order, going into the same damned weak position, despite repeatedly consulting the correct order in books.

    693. When you always see  how to mate your opponent 6 moves before, and establish brilliant and deadly mating nets, but you always get mated after you've made the first move.

    694. When you think that a mating net is some kind of online marriage bureau.

    695. When you keep moving your pieces one square further or closer than the square you meant to.

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #507

    UltraLaser

    696. When you think a Knight fork is a piece of cutlery with the handle made in the shape of a Knight.

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #508

    iixxPROxxii

    697. You think the night's tour is when you go on a tour of a knight's castle.

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #509

    ilike1d4

    698. Your opponent arrives and finds the board as above, and you proudly declare: "I've set up the board for us already. Look! I remembered "queen on her square and "white on the right"!Laughing
  • 3 years ago · Quote · #510

    chessgm8

    699. You think you can win this game:

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #511

    chessgm8

    700. You set the pieces up like this and still lose:



  • 3 years ago · Quote · #512

    ClavierCavalier

    Lathspell wrote:

    691. When you think that a sound sacrifice is listening to the spice girls while you are playing chess.

    Talk about a sacrifice!

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #513

    Grandmaster3141

    chessgm8 wrote:

    700. You set the pieces up like this and still lose:

     

     

    White has a mate in 3. Is that supposed to be the joke?

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #514

    chessgm8

    Grandmaster3141 wrote:
    chessgm8 wrote:

    700. You set the pieces up like this and still lose:

     

     

    White has a mate in 3. Is that supposed to be the joke?

    Yeah-White doesn't know enough about chess to find the mate! Laughing

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #515

    ClavierCavalier

    Grandmaster3141 wrote:
    chessgm8 wrote:

    700. You set the pieces up like this and still lose:

     

     

    White has a mate in 3. Is that supposed to be the joke?

    Hi, I go by ClavierCavalier, and I welcome you to planet Earth.  This is a chess website.  Using a primative invention we call the internet, mankind is able to play chess with people across the world, as well as search youtube, wikipedia, and porn.  Don't worry, you'll soon be addicted to all of these once we get you started!  This thread on this web based forum is about jokes pretaining to people who don't know anything about chess.  A joke is something that causes humor, which is an illogical human emotion.

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #516

    chessgm8

    701. You try moving your king on your first move
    702. You try moving your queen on your first move
    703. You try moving your bishop on your first move
    704. You try moving your rook on your first move
    705. You say the only piece that you can't move on your first move is your knight
    706. You say your c-pawn has the power to see anything on the board
    707. This is the solution to your "tactics" puzzle:



  • 3 years ago · Quote · #517

    chessgm8

    708. You think you are a GM when you reach a rating of 800
    709. You think you are an IM when you reach a rating of 900
    710. You think you are an NM when you reach a rating of 950
    711. You call yourself an FM when you reach a rating of 600
    712. You have a chess clock set for 5 minutes, and you say, "It isn't 5:00!"

    714. You don't know enough about chess to reach the position above

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #518

    Grandmaster3141

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #519

    UltraLaser

    [COMMENT DELETED]
  • 3 years ago · Quote · #520

    OldChessDog

    LOL Grandmaster3141! What I want to know is how you got the computer to make those kinds of moves.


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