951. When your opponent tells you, "Double check!", you double-check the current position on the board

There are many mate in 1 puzzles, and it happens during games, too.  Not 1. XxX#

I could beat you in my sleep

Wow, I didn't see 950.  I guess all of those GM's don't know much since they'd think they could take a 1452 pointer.

952. You move your pawn to the end of the board and declare, "King me"

953. You roll some D&D dice to determine how much "mana" your rook has.

954. You point behind your opponent and shout, "My god! What in the world is that thing!?" When he turns to look, you spin the board around in a hope that he won't notice that he's suddenly losing.

Mana and D&D dice?  You must be combining different games.

952 has been said several times.

955.  You claim to have won by checkmate while forgetting that it was actually Chuck Norris that allowed your checkmate.

956.  You give your promoted pawns beards and claim they're Chuck Norris, can move to any square on any turn, and that they can't be captured since they also move during the opponent's turn.

957.  You combine (bad) Chuck Norris and (bad) chess jokes.

958. You say check when it is checkmate and checkmate when it is check
959. You only play 1-0 games
960. You only play 0-1 games
961. All your games as black come out as 1-0
962. All your games as white come out as 0-1
963. You think that a bullet game is when you fire pieces at your opponent's king
964. You say you need work on the 9 queen checkmate
965. You resign when you have 2 queens because your opponent has 2 pawns
966. You think that you can win this endgame as white:

Boom!

#967 You lose this end game.

I'm not even sure this is possible in a real game, but it might be.

458. You think Garry Kasporov is that "Garry" is the first name of the snail in SpongeBobSquarePants and "Kasporov" is the last name

Sorry meant 968

959. You misspell "Kasparov."

960.You play this game as White.

Looks possible

#962. You try to fork two protected pawns with a queen and after caturing one of them you feel so proud of yourself for being so brilliant.

#963. When you look at chess notation you think that 0-0 means that white and black both lost.

#964. You are confused when you see 0-0-0, and think that there was a third player in the game.

#965. When you promote your pawn you always choose a rook because you think that castles are bigger than queens.

#966. After 1. e4 e5 you try to capture the e5 pawn with your own, after failed attempts you reboot your computer because you think there's a glitch.

997. You lose and say it was a practice game.

998. You think you need a driver's lisence to play blitz.

999. You've never heard of threefold repitition.

1000. You think you can't win because you think that would be murder.