12803 Players currently online!
Man vs. Machine - good luck!
Turn-based games at any time!
Vote for the best move to win!
Do you have what it takes?
Sharpen your tactical vision!
Get advice and game insights!
Learn from top players & pros!
View millions of master games!
Your virtual chess coach!
Perfect your opening moves!
Test your skills vs. computer!
Find the right private coach!
Can you solve it each day?
Bring it all together!
Beginners, start here!
Make friends & play team games!
News from the world of chess!
Search all Chess.com members!
Find local clubs & events!
Who's the best of your friends?
Read what members are saying!
Time to de-track and hope it dies of apathy.
Alekhine: Well Capablanca, I'm going to New York with you. You know Frank Marshall, the Marshal Chessclub manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team.
Capablanca: Look Alekhine, if you're the coach, you must know all the players.
Alekhine: I certainly do.
Capablanca: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team. First board, second board, third board....
Alekhine: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these chessplayers now-a-days very peculiar names.
Capablanca: Ok, well lets hear it.
Alekhine: Well, let's see, we have on the boards, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...
Capablanca: That's what I want to find out.
Alekhine: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.
Capablanca: Are you the manager?
Capablanca: You gonna be the coach too?
Capablanca: And you don't know the fellows' names?
Alekhine: Well I should.
Capablanca: Well then who's on first board?
Capablanca: I mean the fellow's name.
Capablanca: The guy on first.
Capablanca: The first board.
Capablanca: The guy playing...
Alekhine: Who is on first!
Capablanca: I'm asking YOU who's on first.
Alekhine: That's the man's name.
Capablanca: That's who's name?
Capablanca: Well go ahead and tell me.
Alekhine: That's it.
Capablanca: That's who?
Capablanca: Look, you got a player on first board?
Capablanca: Who's playing first?
Alekhine: That's right.
Capablanca: When you pay off the person on first board with the prize money, who gets the money?
Alekhine: Every dollar of it.
Capablanca: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first board.
Capablanca: The guy that gets...
Capablanca: Who gets the money...
Alekhine: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Capablanca: Who's wife?
Alekhine: What's wrong with that?
Capablanca: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first board, how does he sign his name?
Capablanca: The guy.
Capablanca: How does he sign...
Alekhine: That's how he signs it.
Capablanca: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first board.
Alekhine: No. What is on second board.
Capablanca: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Alekhine: Who's on first.
Capablanca: One board at a time!
Alekhine: Well, don't change the players around.
Capablanca: I'm not changing nobody!
Alekhine: Take it easy, buddy.
Capablanca: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first board?
Alekhine: All right.
Capablanca: What's the guy's name on first board?
Alekhine: No. What is on second.
Capablanca: I don't know.
Alekhine: He's on third, we're not talking about him.
Capablanca: Now how did I get on third board?
Alekhine: Why you mentioned his name.
Capablanca: If I mentioned the third board's name, who did I say is playing third?
Alekhine: No. Who's playing first.
Capablanca: What's on first?
Alekhine: What's on second.
Alekhine: He's on third.
Capablanca: There I go, back on third again!
Can we get the condense version?
where did you find this its brilliant
I took the famous abbott and Costello Who's on first routine (originally meant for baseball) and did a word replace for some terms to convert it to chess.
And this is the condensed version, the full version is about 3x longer!
And yes 5 points to Corrijean! You can also easily find the transcript.
Yes just my humor.
And corrijean can find anything on the internet!
I still find losing an OTB official game because you answer your phone outside of the room, quite a bad joke. But the referee had a different sense of humour I played first by the way...
you played who?
Belgian Interclub Rooperi. Just a clubplayer.
Erm.... that was a joke.....
The referee was in his right. FIDE rules forbid it.
Ketchup takes b8 mate !!
1 d4, d5; 2. h4!
On second thought... I'll just have pepper instead.
as the working girl said to the bishop -
" I thought bishops could only move diagonally "
here's a joke from a forum made by my friend which is the awesome chess joke.
So I was playing Garry Kasporave and I was waiting so long that I went to his house and played the worst moves for (even though I said to him, "It's the best moves.") I went back and forth to his and my house and by making the worst moves for him, I won 1000 points just because I made the worst moves for him
cheetahch hard at work on his Golden Anthology of Jokes:
" Sinquefield Cup Round 4 - Hosts: GM Maurice Ashley, GM Yasser Seirawan, & WGM Jennifer Shahade!"
How Lonnnnnnnng Untilllllllll V3???
by RonaldJosephCote a few minutes ago
Sinquefield Cup 2014
by SilentKnighte5 a few minutes ago
Help me understand why the engine says I had superior position most of the game.
by Aetheldred 6 minutes ago
what is a troll?
by rowsweep 9 minutes ago
by Syd_Arthur 15 minutes ago
by RonaldJosephCote 20 minutes ago
are there any other chess sites?
by PLAVIN79 20 minutes ago
by Billion_Tactics_Boy 24 minutes ago
How good is one's likelihood of becoming a GM?
by rowsweep 25 minutes ago
Which Dubrovnik Set do you like betterChessBazaar or House of Staunton?
by FrankHelwig 30 minutes ago
Why Join | Chess Topics |
Help & Support |
© 2014 Chess.com
• Chess - English
We are working hard to make Chess.com available in over 70 languages. Check back over the year as we develop the technology to add more, and we will try our best to notify you when your language is ready for translating!