Upgrade to Chess.com Premium!

Bad chess joke


  • 18 months ago · Quote · #181

    DrSpudnik

    Time to de-track and hope it dies of apathy.

  • 18 months ago · Quote · #182

    Ubik42

    Alekhine: Well Capablanca, I'm going to New York with you. You know Frank Marshall, the Marshal Chessclub manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team.

    Capablanca: Look Alekhine, if you're the coach, you must know all the players.

    Alekhine: I certainly do.

    Capablanca: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team. First board, second board, third board....

    Alekhine: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these chessplayers now-a-days very peculiar names.

    Capablanca: Ok, well lets hear it.

    Alekhine:  Well, let's see, we have on the boards, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...

    Capablanca: That's what I want to find out.

    Alekhine: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.

    Capablanca: Are you the manager?

    Alekhine: Yes.

    Capablanca: You gonna be the coach too?

    Alekhine: Yes.

    Capablanca: And you don't know the fellows' names?

    Alekhine: Well I should.

    Capablanca: Well then who's on first board?

    Alekhine: Yes.

    Capablanca: I mean the fellow's name.

    Alekhine: Who.

    Capablanca: The guy on first.

    Alekhine: Who.

    Capablanca: The first board.

    Alekhine: Who.

    Capablanca: The guy playing...

    Alekhine: Who is on first!

    Capablanca: I'm asking YOU who's on first.

    Alekhine: That's the man's name.

    Capablanca: That's who's name?

    Alekhine: Yes.

    Capablanca: Well go ahead and tell me.

    Alekhine: That's it.

    Capablanca: That's who?

    Alekhine: Yes.

    PAUSE

    Capablanca: Look, you got a player on first board?

    Alekhine: Certainly.

    Capablanca: Who's playing first?

    Alekhine: That's right.

    Capablanca: When you pay off the person on first board with the prize money, who gets the money?

    Alekhine: Every dollar of it.

    Capablanca: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first board.

    Alekhine: Who.

    Capablanca: The guy that gets...

    Alekhine: That's it.

    Capablanca: Who gets the money...

    Alekhine: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.

    Capablanca: Who's wife?

    Alekhine: Yes.

    PAUSE

    Alekhine: What's wrong with that?

    Capablanca: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first board, how does he sign his name?

    Alekhine: Who.

    Capablanca: The guy.

    Alekhine: Who.

    Capablanca: How does he sign...

    Alekhine: That's how he signs it.

    Capablanca: Who?

    Alekhine: Yes.

    PAUSE

    Capablanca: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first board.

    Alekhine: No. What is on second board.

    Capablanca: I'm not asking you who's on second.

    Alekhine: Who's on first.

    Capablanca: One board at a time!

    Alekhine: Well, don't change the players around.

    Capablanca: I'm not changing nobody!

    Alekhine: Take it easy, buddy.

    Capablanca: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first board?

    Alekhine: That's right.

    Capablanca: Ok.

    Alekhine: All right.

    PAUSE

    Capablanca: What's the guy's name on first board?

    Alekhine: No. What is on second.

    Capablanca: I'm not asking you who's on second.

    Alekhine: Who's on first.

    Capablanca: I don't know.

    Alekhine: He's on third, we're not talking about him.

    Capablanca: Now how did I get on third board?

    Alekhine: Why you mentioned his name.

    Capablanca: If I mentioned the third board's name, who did I say is playing third?

    Alekhine: No. Who's playing first.

    Capablanca: What's on first?

    Alekhine: What's on second.

    Capablanca: I don't know.

    Alekhine: He's on third.

    Capablanca: There I go, back on third again!

  • 18 months ago · Quote · #183

    corrijean

    Laughing

  • 18 months ago · Quote · #184

    winerkleiner

    Can we get the condense version?

  • 18 months ago · Quote · #185

    fianchetto123

    Ubik42 wrote:

    Alekhine: Well Capablanca, I'm going to New York with you. You know Frank Marshall, the Marshal Chessclub manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team.

    Capablanca: Look Alekhine, if you're the coach, you must know all the players.

    Alekhine: I certainly do.

    Capablanca: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team. First board, second board, third board....

    Alekhine: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these chessplayers now-a-days very peculiar names.

    Capablanca: Ok, well lets hear it.

    Alekhine:  Well, let's see, we have on the boards, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...

    Capablanca: That's what I want to find out.

    Alekhine: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.

    Capablanca: Are you the manager?

    Alekhine: Yes.

    Capablanca: You gonna be the coach too?

    Alekhine: Yes.

    Capablanca: And you don't know the fellows' names?

    Alekhine: Well I should.

    Capablanca: Well then who's on first board?

    Alekhine: Yes.

    Capablanca: I mean the fellow's name.

    Alekhine: Who.

    Capablanca: The guy on first.

    Alekhine: Who.

    Capablanca: The first board.

    Alekhine: Who.

    Capablanca: The guy playing...

    Alekhine: Who is on first!

    Capablanca: I'm asking YOU who's on first.

    Alekhine: That's the man's name.

    Capablanca: That's who's name?

    Alekhine: Yes.

    Capablanca: Well go ahead and tell me.

    Alekhine: That's it.

    Capablanca: That's who?

    Alekhine: Yes.

    PAUSE

    Capablanca: Look, you got a player on first board?

    Alekhine: Certainly.

    Capablanca: Who's playing first?

    Alekhine: That's right.

    Capablanca: When you pay off the person on first board with the prize money, who gets the money?

    Alekhine: Every dollar of it.

    Capablanca: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first board.

    Alekhine: Who.

    Capablanca: The guy that gets...

    Alekhine: That's it.

    Capablanca: Who gets the money...

    Alekhine: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.

    Capablanca: Who's wife?

    Alekhine: Yes.

    PAUSE

    Alekhine: What's wrong with that?

    Capablanca: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first board, how does he sign his name?

    Alekhine: Who.

    Capablanca: The guy.

    Alekhine: Who.

    Capablanca: How does he sign...

    Alekhine: That's how he signs it.

    Capablanca: Who?

    Alekhine: Yes.

    PAUSE

    Capablanca: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first board.

    Alekhine: No. What is on second board.

    Capablanca: I'm not asking you who's on second.

    Alekhine: Who's on first.

    Capablanca: One board at a time!

    Alekhine: Well, don't change the players around.

    Capablanca: I'm not changing nobody!

    Alekhine: Take it easy, buddy.

    Capablanca: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first board?

    Alekhine: That's right.

    Capablanca: Ok.

    Alekhine: All right.

    PAUSE

    Capablanca: What's the guy's name on first board?

    Alekhine: No. What is on second.

    Capablanca: I'm not asking you who's on second.

    Alekhine: Who's on first.

    Capablanca: I don't know.

    Alekhine: He's on third, we're not talking about him.

    Capablanca: Now how did I get on third board?

    Alekhine: Why you mentioned his name.

    Capablanca: If I mentioned the third board's name, who did I say is playing third?

    Alekhine: No. Who's playing first.

    Capablanca: What's on first?

    Alekhine: What's on second.

    Capablanca: I don't know.

    Alekhine: He's on third.

    Capablanca: There I go, back on third again!

    where did you find this its brilliant

  • 18 months ago · Quote · #186

    corrijean

  • 18 months ago · Quote · #187

    Ubik42

    fianchetto123 wrote:
     

    where did you find this its brilliant

    I took the famous abbott and Costello Who's on first routine (originally meant for baseball) and did a word replace for some terms to convert it to chess.

    And this is the condensed version, the full version is about 3x longer!

  • 18 months ago · Quote · #188

    Ubik42

    And yes 5 points to Corrijean! You can also easily find the transcript.

  • 18 months ago · Quote · #189

    winerkleiner

    Ubik42 wrote:
    fianchetto123 wrote:
     

    where did you find this its brilliant

    I took the famous abbott and Costello Who's on first routine (originally meant for baseball) and did a word replace for some terms to convert it to chess.

    And this is the condensed version, the full version is about 3x longer!

    Yes just my humor. 

    And corrijean can find anything on the internet!

  • 18 months ago · Quote · #190

    bronsteinitz

    I still find losing an OTB official game because you answer your phone outside of the room, quite a bad joke. But the referee had a different sense of humour Surprised I played first by the way...

  • 18 months ago · Quote · #191

    rooperi

    bronsteinitz wrote:

    I still find losing an OTB official game because you answer your phone outside of the room, quite a bad joke. But the referee had a different sense of humour  I played first by the way...

    you played who?

  • 18 months ago · Quote · #192

    bronsteinitz

    Belgian Interclub Rooperi. Just a clubplayer.

  • 18 months ago · Quote · #193

    rooperi

    bronsteinitz wrote:

    Belgian Interclub Rooperi. Just a clubplayer.

    Erm.... that was a joke.....

  • 18 months ago · Quote · #194

    bronsteinitz

    The referee was in his right. FIDE rules forbid it.

  • 18 months ago · Quote · #195

    stuntmanxxx

    Ketchup takes b8 mate !!

  • 18 months ago · Quote · #196

    Gil-Gandel

    1 d4, d5; 2. h4!

     

    ...Too soon?

  • 18 months ago · Quote · #197

    Totalchess141

    On second thought... I'll just have pepper instead.

  • 18 months ago · Quote · #198

    No-Plan-B

    as the working girl said to the bishop -

    " I thought bishops could only move diagonally "

  • 18 months ago · Quote · #199

    cheetahch

    here's a joke from a forum made by my friend which is the awesome chess joke.  

    So I was playing Garry Kasporave and I was waiting so long that I went to his house and played the worst moves for (even though I said to him, "It's the best moves.") I went back and forth to his and my house and by making the worst moves for him, I won 1000 points just because I made the worst moves for him

                                            The End

  • 18 months ago · Quote · #200

    AndyClifton

    cheetahch hard at work on his Golden Anthology of Jokes:


Back to Top

Post your reply: