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Bad chess joke


  • 23 months ago · Quote · #161

    Fear_ItseIf

    This Hessian guy is a troll right?

    No one is that stupid.

  • 23 months ago · Quote · #162

    AlCzervik

    Well...

  • 23 months ago · Quote · #163

    Quasimorphy

    Bent Larsen approaches the Pearly Gates and is met by St. Peter. "Come on in. Someone would like a game with you",says St. Peter. Inside, Larsen is surrounded by heavenly harp music and shimmering, ethereal light. A few people are milling about, others are engaged in conversation, others just sitting in contemplation. A great marble staircase leads upward, seemingly endless. Peter motions Larsen toward the staircase, and just as Bent starts toward it, he notices off to one side Tal and a distinguished looking fellow engaged in a tense game of chess. Larsen unthinkingly veers toward the chess players then halts and looks toward St. Peter with an apologetic smile. Peter nods in understanding and gestures for Bent to go ahead. "I'll only be a moment", says Larsen. Tal looks up and flashes a grin at Larsen then turns his attention back to his game. Larsen glances at the board and is not surprised to see that Tal is up a pawn and has a strong attack going. Not wanting to keep his opponent waiting, Bent hurries back to the staircase and begins his ascent with St. Peter. As they climb the music fades and the light become steady. They climb for what seems an eternity. A serene stillness engulfs Larsen as they reach the apex. A magnificent golden throne sits some distance away. It is occupied by an imposing figure leaning forward, his head tilted downward, hand at his brow as he studies the chessboard in front of him, an awesome sight. Larsen approaches, St. Peter at his side. Fischer looks up from the board, halting Larsen in his tracks. Stunned for a moment, Larsen exclaims, "I knew it! No mere mortal could have beaten me 6-0 in a match!" St. Peter chuckles then leans to whisper to Larsen. "You're mistaken, Bent. That's not God. We have to let Fischer sit there or he's incessantly complaining about the lighting and the noise." Befuddled, Larsen looks about. "Then where is God?", says Larsen. St.Peter says, "Oh, that was him downstairs getting his butt kicked by Tal."
  • 23 months ago · Quote · #164

    ForgoneMoose

    What do you call a bunch of idiots who go on a forum for jokes about the game of chess and spam topics with really bad attempts at arguing? The WCC!
  • 23 months ago · Quote · #165

    winerkleiner

    Bicarbonatofsoda wrote:

    can someone please escort the 3 amigos off the thread ?

    i just want to get the end of netzach's story!!

    is that too much to ask ?

    What kind of escort are we talking about?  Lol.

  • 23 months ago · Quote · #166

    winerkleiner

    joeschmo123 wrote:

    what do you call people who troll in a chess forum on bad jokes and put down people 

    the real joke and it is quite sad way too much time on their hands 

    That guy attacks me everytime I post a comment, this is without any provocation whatsoever from me.  What would you do, let his comments slide?  I doubt it.

  • 23 months ago · Quote · #167

    AlCzervik

    Yep.

  • 23 months ago · Quote · #168

    DrSpudnik

    Fear_ItseIf wrote:

    This Hessian guy is a troll right?

    No one is that stupid.

    LOL: You're new around here, I'm guessing. Laughing

  • 23 months ago · Quote · #169

    netzach

    Some hae meat and canna eat, 
       And some wad eat that want it; 
    But we hae meat, and we can eat, 
       Sae let the Lord be thankit.

  • 23 months ago · Quote · #170

    Ubik42

    pipituche wrote:

    I have a great joke.

    Two chess players are entered in a tournament.  They play a great game and become loyal friends.  One day, one sleeps with the other's wife.  Their friendship deteriorates and eventually one murders the other. 

    I think its funnier the other way. What do I mean?

    Two men meet and become friends. Joe sleeps with the Bob's wife, who just shrugs it off. Then they play a game of chess, and Joe swindles a win out of a theoretically drawn rook and pawn ending. Bob murders him.

    Well, ok, it isnt really funny either way.

  • 23 months ago · Quote · #171

    Ubik42

    Two guys are playing chess in the forest, when one of them notices a fast approaching bear. He shrugs slightly, then continues calculating his move. The second player, on seeing the bear, suddenly sweaps all the pieces into his tournament bag and stands up, preparing to run.

    Player #1 - "What are you doing? You can't outrun a bear!"

    Player #2 - "I  don't have to outrun the bear. I just have to outrun YOU."

  • 23 months ago · Quote · #172

    Ubik42

    Two gentlemen are playing chess in a tournament hall by a large window. They notice a long funeral procession outside, with dozens of cars following a hearse. The player on move removes his cap and places it over his chest until the procession passes.

    Player #1 (leaning over and whispering) "I know we shouldn't talk during a game, but I had to tell you what a noble gesture that was."

    Player #2 "Well, it was the least I could do. We were married for 42 years."

  • 23 months ago · Quote · #173

    Ruby-Fischer

    Lol, Brilliant. I like 189 and 191.

  • 23 months ago · Quote · #174

    Ubik42

    Two chessplayers are flying a small airplane while engaging in a game of chess. They notice, belatedly, that they are low on fuel. Desperately, between glances at the board, they look around for an airfield to land on. Finally they see one, and glide while still making moves, where they land and roll off the end of the runway, with the nose wheel getting stuck in the dirt. Chess pieces scatter all over the cockpit.

    Player #1 "Boy! That was the shortest runway I have ever seen!"

    Player #2 (Turning his head from side to side) "Yeah....but look at how WIDE it is!"

  • 23 months ago · Quote · #175

    Ubik42

    Ruby-Fischer wrote:

    Lol, Brilliant. I like 189 and 191.

    Thanks, I guess I should have stopped while I was ahead.

  • 23 months ago · Quote · #176

    nameno1had

    Ubik42 wrote:

    Two gentlemen are playing chess in a tournament hall by a large window. They notice a long funeral procession outside, with dozens of cars following a hearse. The player on move removes his cap and places it over his chest until the procession passes.

    Player #1 (leaning over and whispering) "I know we shouldn't talk during a game, but I had to tell you what a noble gesture that was."

    Player #2 "Well, it was the least I could do. We were married for 42 years."

    The first one in the entire thread that actually made me laugh...

  • 23 months ago · Quote · #177

    Conflagration_Planet

    I have a "Sick Joke" book, written in the 70s. It's got a joke about two men on the golf course. They're playing golf, when a funeral procession goes by. One man removes his hat, and places it over his chest til it gets by. His opponent comments on what a nobel gesture that was. Other man's reply, "Yes, we would have been married 30 years, next june." :)

  • 23 months ago · Quote · #178

    Capt_Caveman

    I got arrested the other day playing chess in the middle of the street. I said to the policeman...


    "Is it coz I is black?"

     

     

     

    credit to Milton Jones

  • 23 months ago · Quote · #179

    winerkleiner

    I've heard worse.

  • 23 months ago · Quote · #180

    Ubik42

    Conflagration_Planet wrote:

    I have a "Sick Joke" book, written in the 70s. It's got a joke about two men on the golf course. They're playing golf, when a funeral procession goes by. One man removes his hat, and places it over his chest til it gets by. His opponent comments on what a nobel gesture that was. Other man's reply, "Yes, we would have been married 30 years, next june." :)

    My people are going to contact their people.


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