Ignoring the neat little alliteration in the title, chess is often percieved as a dry, tedious sport in which there is very little excitement and one could easily doze off. Therefore,  I believe we should spice it up with attractive, witty cheerleaders to get more interest.

 An example:

Caro-Kann! Caro Kann! If you can't beat it no one Kann!

And yes, I am very strange...

Hyper-accelerated Pterodactyl!

Hyper-accelerated Pterodactyl!

Makes you sound so smart you can differentiate the various and multiple branches of a subsequent Mandlebrot fractal!

 And yes, I am very nerdy...

Oh, and yes, the hyper-accelerated Pterodactyl is an actualy opening...

Do the Pirc! Do the Pirc! Make the other guy go berserk!

Fork! Fork! You're a dork!