A guy playing chess with a dog draws a crowd. Somebody finally says, "That's a smart dog you've got there." The guy looks up from the board and says, "He's not that smart, he's only won two out of seven games."
Chess Joke
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A knight walks into a bar, bartender says: "Ты тронутый"?
A Knight, a Bishop, and a Rabbi walk into a bar, bartender says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
lol!! across the board
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Once a Knight always a Knight...but twice a Knight is enough...?!
Presenting – The Ice Queen
Described as cold and haughty, the Ice Queen is usually the LAST woman you approach, and usually after a drink or two (or 7 or 12…). She could be 5 feet tall and you could be 6’6, but she still manages to look down on you. Your jokes don’t impress her, she looks bored with you right after you say “hi” and while you stand there, being assessed, judged and dismissed with a single glance, you think two things:
1: what makes this b%+ch tick...
2: why isn’t anything I’m doing working?
*note – if she’s only like this with you, but you witness her be friendly to other people…move on. She just doesn’t like you.
How to get rid of an Ice Queen: Uh, loser you don’t. She got rid of you when she laid eyes on you. Dismissed. NEXT!
P.S. CuppaTea; Obviously twice a knight was more than enough.
We need some new jokes. These have gotten past the point of old to where they are not even funny anymore.
Soon we may have to bring out the anti-jokes.
Artichokes...?
A journalist interviews Capablanca at a great tournament in Moscow.
"Oh, you know, I'm not the greatest chess player here, an old man from here challenged me to chess and won in less than twenty moves against me.", Capablanca says.
"How is that possible ?!" the journalist answers, amazed.
"But, wait. When I saw that, I invited him to follow me in the resting room were I knew Lasker to be, he played against him and mated him in fifteen moves."
"How that ? That's a wonder ! Where is he now, that old man ?"
Then Capablanca burst out laughing. "What a question ! Obviously we killed him !"
Two psychiatrist talking:"Colleague what is with that patient of yours who think that he is Kasparov?" Other reply:"I can tell you that in his case came to significant improvement.Now he think he is Karpov."
Chess grandmaster dies.After few days one of his friends heard his voice and they start talking."Hello friend,how is over there?" Grandmaster reply:"Do you want good or bad news first?" Friend says:"Give me good first."-"In heaven is great,they have chess tournaments and all famous players are here.Morphy,Capablanca,Alekhine,Tal,Botvinik."-"That is great,which is bad news then?"friend reply.-"You play Capablanca with black on saturday!"
2 minds with but a single thought:
1 was thinking, 1 was not !