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Chess Joke


  • 3 years ago · Quote · #21

    xgaptek-co-cc

    kive wrote:

     


    realy love this.. Smile

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #22

    MontyII

    At a chess tournament, held in a large hotel, several players were gathered near the lobby.  They were loudly discussing some chess games, and being rather obnoxious about it, at least in the opinion of some.

    Some other guests (not tournament participants) became annoyed.  One remarked, "I really hate that!  CHESS NUTS BOASTING BY AN OPEN FOYER."

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #23

    xgaptek-co-cc

    [COMMENT DELETED by moderator - no politics.]

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #24

    waffllemaster

    Well known joke told by Capablanca:

    "I was playing in a tournament in germany one year when a man approached me. Thinking he just wanted an autograph, I reached for my pen, when the man made a startling announcement. 'I've solved chess!' I sensibly started to back away, in case the man was dangerous as well as insane, but the man continued: 'I'll bet you 50 marks that if you come back to my hotel room I can prove it to you.' Well, 50 marks was 50 marks, so I humored the fellow and accompanied him to his room."

    "Back at the room, we sat down at his chess board. 'I've worked it all out, white mates in 12 no matter what.' I played black with perhaps a bit incautiously, but I found to my horror that white's pieces coordinated very strangely, and that I was going to be mated on the 12th move!"

    "I tried again, and I played a completely different opening that couldn't possibly result in such a position, but after a series of very queer-looking moves, once again I found my king surrounded, with mate to fall on the 12th move. I asked the man to wait while I ran downstairs and fetched Emmanuel Lasker, who was world champion before me. He was extremely skeptical, but agreed to at least come and play. Along the way we snagged Alekhine, who was then world champion, and the three of us ran back up to the room."

    "Lasker took no chances, but played as cautiously as could be, yet after a bizarre, pointless-looking series of maneuvers, found himself hemmed in a mating net from which there was no escape. Alekhine tried his hand, too, but all to no avail."

    "It was awful! Here we were, the finest players in the world, men who had devoted our very lives to the game, and it was all over! The tournaments, the matches, everything - chess had been solved, white wins."

    About this time Capa's friends would break in, saying "Wait a minute, I never heard anything about all this! What happened?"

    "Why, we killed him, of course."

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #25

    KalunaDarlin

    *chuckles*

    Of course they did!

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #26

    Sadalmelik

    [COMMENT DELETED]
  • 3 years ago · Quote · #27

    Javan64

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #28

    MsIceQueen

    Frasier: I can see why she likes the game - "the king is stationary, the queen has all the power". 

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #29

    MsIceQueen

    A other side of an old story:

    In chess, my boyfriend has one ambition
    To win under any condition.
    But to this date
    He has yet to mate
    He just can't find the right position.

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #30

    MsIceQueen

    A boaster at the local chess club pronounces:

    "I can beat anybody here with the odds of a pawn and a move!"

    The club Master looked at the Boaster quizzically. He knew Boaster was never stronger than a Class B player.

    "I'll take you up on that offer - unless there's a catch."

    "No catch, Mr. Master. There is a condition that I choose which of the pawns to remove."

    The Master could not see how it would matter and agreed.

    "Let's do it," said the Master and sat next to the Black side of the board.

    As expected, the Boaster removed the f7 pawn. But he didn't stop there. He also took off the g7 pawn.

    "Hey! What are you doing?" exclaimed the Master. "I thought the odds were a pawn!"

    "Quite so," replied Boaster. "So I must now remove one of my pawns." And proceeded to take off his e2 pawn.

    "Checkmate!" Boaster crowed after slamming down his queen at h5.

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #31

    billwall

    Hey, that's my limerick I wrote years ago.

    http://www.geocities.com/siliconvalley/lab/7378/limer.htm

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #32

    DENVERHIGH

    billwall wrote:

    Hey, that's my limerick I wrote years ago.

    http://www.geocities.com/siliconvalley/lab/7378/limer.htm


    I liked all the limericks on your URL.

     

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #33

    Charanjit2921

    KNIGHT- only chess-men which flies above the other chess pieces .... :) :) 

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #34

    kenneth67

    Drunken Chess

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #35

    xqsme

    [COMMENT DELETED]
  • 3 years ago · Quote · #36

    AfafBouardi

    Kenneth!  Now that looks like a cool game!  You have to drink any piece you take?  

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #37

    kenneth67

    AfafBouardi wrote:

    Kenneth!  Now that looks like a cool game!  You have to drink any piece you take?  


    Yep; Hi Afaf; trawled it off something like page 54 of Google search "Chess Jokes"(!) - looks like fun. Perhaps the chess won't matter after a few tots; and if you are a bad player it will matter even less as your merriment reaches heightened proportions... (you lose the game, but if the drinks are free... :) Laughing (:

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #38

    kenneth67

    I think I would play better blitz with a frontal lobotomy.

    Anyone know a good doctor?

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #39

    beardogjones

    Dr. Lasker or Dr. Nunn.

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #40

    kenneth67

    I'd choose German precision any day!


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