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Funny Chess Jokes


  • 8 months ago · Quote · #41

    Treemendous

    I had a girlfriend who accused me of being obsessed with chess. Said it was affecting our sex life. So I agreed to take the chess clock off the nightstand.  I still mated her in 7 moves.

  • 8 months ago · Quote · #42

    Treemendous

    Not to brag but I played against a machine once and won! Yeah I kicked my lawnmower's ass!  Big red never saw that coming.

  • 8 months ago · Quote · #43

    FrostyBubbly

    Why can't British people play Chess? They can't tell the difference between a Queen and a Pawn.

  • 8 months ago · Quote · #44

    Idrinkyourhealth

    Once i read this from someone in random thread..."chess is only a game" ..."Chess is life, life is only a game.."

  • 8 months ago · Quote · #45

    Poolala

    This one isn't very funny, but it sure is groan-worthy.

    Where is a grandmaster's heart located? Their chesst.

  • 8 months ago · Quote · #46

    Conflagration_Planet

    Should I call 911 cause of my constant chess pains?

  • 5 months ago · Quote · #47

    justpressresign

    Chess is a racist game. Why is it that what gets to move fisrt and not black? Thoes racist mothers

  • 5 months ago · Quote · #48

    Conflagration_Planet

    WHAT gets to move first?

  • 5 months ago · Quote · #49

    W-Luke

    What's the favorite meal of a chessplayer?

    Mac 'n' chesse...

  • 5 months ago · Quote · #50

    LoekBergman

    justpressresign wrote:

    Chess is a racist game. Why is it that what gets to move fisrt and not black? Thoes racist mother fuckers

    Haha, you are funny! The reason that white begins is actually the opposite of what you expect. In earlier days was it not set which color started. There was a discussion about that before every game. The majority of players preferred to play with the black pieces. To make it more attractive to have people play with the white pieces is the rule created that white starts the game.

  • 5 months ago · Quote · #51

    kleelof

    LoekBergman wrote:
    justpressresign wrote:

    Chess is a racist game. Why is it that what gets to move fisrt and not black? Thoes racist mother fuckers

    Haha, you are funny! The reason that white begins is actually the opposite of what you expect. In earlier days was it not set which color started. There was a discussion about that before every game. The majority of players preferred to play with the black pieces. To make it more attractive to have people play with the white pieces is the rule created that white starts the game.

    White moves first because it is a lighter color.

  • 5 months ago · Quote · #52

    LoekBergman

    @kleelof: no, that is not how it went in the history of chess.

  • 5 months ago · Quote · #53

    kleelof

    LoekBergman wrote:

    @kleelof: no, that is not how it went in the history of chess.

    Come on. You're hurting my feelings. It's a joke:

    White does white move first? Because it's a lighter color.

    I know it's a moaner, but it's not the worse joke in this thread.Laughing

  • 5 months ago · Quote · #54

    LoekBergman

    @kleelof: you are right, it is not the worst joke in this thread, but to me it was the most invisible one or may be was it too light and has it blinded me. :-)

  • 5 months ago · Quote · #55

    tj99er

    how do chess players eat food?

    >>>>Using a FORK!

  • 10 hours ago · Quote · #56

    chesspunk04

    Heard this the other day. very funny 😃😂 What do you do to somebody who's choking on a pawn sandwich? perform the chesslich manoeuvre !!

  • 10 hours ago · Quote · #57

    Gil-Gandel

    I was preparing an illustrated presentation for the new pupils at our school chess club, and of course I needed graphics to show what all the chessmen look like and how they move. There's a lot of images on the Internet but you have to sift a bit to find some that all fit one common theme and will look attractive on a large screen.

    So I'm sat at my laptop and the headmaster wanders in and says "Afternoon Gil, what are you doing?" and I say "Looking for pawn pictures on the Internet."

    And now I've lost my job, I'm barred from ever working with kids again and my wife has thrown me out of the house. Cry

  • 19 minutes ago · Quote · #58

    Conflagration_Planet

    Smile


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