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Funny Chess Jokes


  • 3 weeks ago · Quote · #121

    Conflagration_Planet

    They have a bunch of grey pawns.

     
     
     
  • 3 weeks ago · Quote · #122

    tintin11

    Spassky after his divorce, " My wife and I were like Bishops of opposite colours".

  • 3 weeks ago · Quote · #123

    egoole

    King: What in the world is my queen doing there with the other king. I have always had this feeling of her cheating on me.

    e2 Pawn: Relax chief, she has just mated him ...

    King: OMG! :O  even up to the extent of mating with him. Now they gonna  have 8 pawns too... :'( 

    Rook: No chief, the little kid meant that we've just won...

    warning: this might or might not be funny

  • 3 weeks ago · Quote · #124

    ChessPlayinDude47

    Question: Why are your pawns always so sleepy at the start of every chess match?

    Answer: Because you always force them to play the PawnsyYawny Opening.

  • 3 weeks ago · Quote · #125

    Burke

    "I like to play chess with old men in the park. The hard part is finding 32 of them." --Emo Philips

  • 3 weeks ago · Quote · #126

    egoole

    What do say to make your knight more agile.?

    Giddy up

  • 3 weeks ago · Quote · #127

    MuhammadAreez10

    PerfectConscience wrote:

    Pawn is born free, and everywhere he is in chains.

    LOL! Great.

  • 2 days ago · Quote · #128

    alexmonrovia

    TOP TEN Moments when you should sense danger in chess:

    10. There has been a change in the pawn structure. Your opponent has eight and you don’t have any.
    9. Your opponent begins to throw pawns at your eyes.
    8. You have a position won, but your opponent has a gun.
    7. The Director tells you not to bother turning in your score sheet after the game.
    6. Before the game begins you notice your opponent’s first initials are GM.
    5. After completing your development you sense your opponent is playing the endgame.
    4. Just as you make your opening move your opponent announces mate in 11.
    3. You don’t control any squares at all.
    2. Your draw offer sends all the people watching your game into uncontrollable laughter.
    1. Your opponent has three bishops.

  • 2 days ago · Quote · #129

    LoekBergman

    Wow, what is this my opponent having a gun? I can't imagine my opponent would have one.

    What has happened really in my life was that I had to play against a woman. I was unprepared for her beauty. The only thing I was thinking of was how to make contact with her. I could not play chess, could not defeat her. She was also a much better player. She crushed me. My play was a joke. Needless to say, she did not want to chat with me after the game.

  • 48 hours ago · Quote · #130

    ChessPlayinDude47

    Would you like to quickly become a vegan and a grandmaster?!

    Here is my method:

    If one eats an avocado when tired, one may fall asleep; if one falls asleep during a chess game, one may lose; if one loses a chess game while asleep he may wish to wake up, study why he lost, and eat two avocados.  One may wish to repeat this process consistently until one has become a vegan and a grandmaster.  Results will vary with each individual.

  • 25 hours ago · Quote · #131

    alexmonrovia

    I bought a chess set the other day. I started eating it but it tasted horrible, so I took it back to the shop and said, "Here, this is stale mate."
    The shop-keeper said, "No it's not."
    I said, "Yes it is. Check mate."


  • 25 hours ago · Quote · #132

    ChessPlayinDude47

    alexmonrovia wrote:

    I bought a chess set the other day. I started eating it but it tasted horrible, so I took it back to the shop and said, "Here, this is stale mate."
    The shop-keeper said, "No it's not."
    I said, "Yes it is. Check mate."


    Next time you buy a chess set at that shop, buy this one instead:

  • 9 hours ago · Quote · #133

    egoole

    alexmonrovia wrote:

    I bought a chess set the other day. I started eating it but it tasted horrible, so I took it back to the shop and said, "Here, this is stale mate."
    The shop-keeper said, "No it's not."
    I said, "Yes it is. Check mate."


    cool... Didn't get that at first glance tho'


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