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Funny Chess Jokes


  • 6 weeks ago · Quote · #141

    macer75

    ChessPlayinDude47 wrote:
    ChessPlayinDude47 wrote:

    Why do you not want to light your opponent's hair on fire during a chess game?

    Because it will cost you the match.

    Gee, talk about a hot topic!

    Why would this be especially bad when playing with a wooden chess set?

    Because you could lose game, set, and match...

    lol... did you come up with that yourself?

  • 6 weeks ago · Quote · #142

    cutey9

    I ran out of money so I pawned my queen
  • 6 weeks ago · Quote · #143

    ChessPlayinDude47

    ChessPlayinDude47 wrote:
    macer75 wrote:
    ChessPlayinDude47 wrote:
    ChessPlayinDude47 wrote:

    Why do you not want to light your opponent's hair on fire during a chess game?

    Because it will cost you the match.

    Gee, talk about a hot topic!

    Why would this be especially bad when playing with a wooden chess set?

    Because you could lose game, set, and match...

    lol... did you come up with that yourself?

    Yes, I'm afraid so! Surprised

  • 5 weeks ago · Quote · #144

    ChessPlayinDude47

    Here's another idea I've come up with - I think this is original anyway.

    It's for players who like to play game-after-game of chess in grueling fashion and who don't know when to stop.

    I call it the The 50 Draw Rule:

    If 50 draws in a row have gone by without a bathroom break or a nap, either player may automatically call the next game a draw before it has even begun to allow for a bathroom break or a nap before commencing game 52, however if either side has a win at any point during the fifty games, rather than a draw, then one must restart the count from the beginning. If at any point during the 50 games one's opponent drools on the board, one may automatically declare that game a draw, as well.

  • 5 weeks ago · Quote · #145

    kleelof

    Chess walks into a bar and orders 4 shots of whiskey.

    The bartender pours the shots and asks, "Celebrating something?".

    "Yes", chess says, "My first BJ".

    The bartender says, "Here, let me buy you a beer.".

    "No thanks.", Says chess, "If this doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."

    Laughing

  • 5 weeks ago · Quote · #146

    Conflagration_Planet

    You know you're getting old when you get winded playing chess.

  • 5 weeks ago · Quote · #147

    ChessPlayinDude47

    I just came to this thread to check my hair - perfect as usual.

  • 5 weeks ago · Quote · #148

    ChessPlayinDude47

    Q: What does the stalematee get when he/she was ahead in the game?

    A: Stalematears.

  • 5 weeks ago · Quote · #149

    kleelof

    Why didn't the king go on his daily walk?

    He heard there was going to be a pawn storm.

  • 5 weeks ago · Quote · #150

    kleelof

    Alekhine's guns don't kill pieces. Pieces kill pieces.

    Hillbilly pawn = backward pawn.

    What's the difference between good bishops and bad bishops? Bad bishops got caught.

  • 5 weeks ago · Quote · #151

    ChessPlayinDude47

    kleelof wrote:

    Alekhine's guns don't kill pieces. Pieces kill pieces.

    Hillbilly pawn = backward pawn.

    What's the difference between good bishops and bad bishops? Bad bishops got caught.

    Q: Why did the grandmaster promote his pawn to a queen when he had a chance to capture his opponent's queen instead?

    A: He wanted to make piece, not war.

  • 5 weeks ago · Quote · #152

    kleelof

    Why was Magnus banned from the seafood restarurant?

    He kept ordering PAWNS and lauging hysterically.

  • 5 weeks ago · Quote · #153

    ChessPlayinDude47

    tj99er wrote:

    how do chess players eat food?

    >>>>Using a FORK!

    I prefer putting my opponent's queen on a skewer, makes the sex life better too.

  • 5 weeks ago · Quote · #154

    kleelof

    Why don't they play chess in The Castro? All the players want 2 queens.

    (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Castro_District,_San_Francisco)

  • 5 weeks ago · Quote · #155

    alexmonrovia

    har har har

  • 5 weeks ago · Quote · #156

    arismonrovia

    har har har

  • 5 weeks ago · Quote · #157

    ChessPlayinDude47

    har har har

  • 5 weeks ago · Quote · #158

    kleelof

    ISeeHowYourePinned wrote:
    kleelof wrote:

    Why don't they play chess in The Castro? All the players want 2 queens.

    (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Castro_District,_San_Francisco)

    AAAAAA that's what "meet me at the castro" means in a song I discovered recently.... thanks :D

    What was the bar like where you heard that song? Laughing

  • 5 weeks ago · Quote · #159

    DENVERHIGH

                 WHITE TO MOVE.
  • 4 weeks ago · Quote · #160

    alexmonrovia


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