That's funny.
I thought he was talking about salad dressings.
Laughter is the best medicine
Sort:
What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved
How bad does Dr. Suess have it in this poor economy?
He's now eating green eggs and spam
What does AIG stand for?
And it's gone
Adventures in greed
What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer?
Chelsea
What did one wall say to the other?
Meet you at the corner.
What did the painter say to the wall?
I got you covered
What's the best thing about living in Switzerland?
Not sure but the flag is a big plus
Dwarfs and midgets have little in common.
What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas
varelse1 wrote:
That's funny.
I thought he was talking about salad dressings.
lol. And what about us? American cheese, that's us. ;-D
A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says "this guy looks edible, never seen his kind before".
So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he's about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly "mmm...that was some good lion meat!".
The lion abruptly stops and says "woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can". Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. The monkey realizes that he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return. So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily "get on my back, we'll get him together".
So they start rushing back to the dog. The dog sees them and realized what happened and starts to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts "where the hell is that monkey! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago..."
Ha Ha! Intelligent dog!
What happened to that monkey then?
MoonlessNight wrote:
A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says "this guy looks edible, never seen his kind before".
So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he's about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly "mmm...that was some good lion meat!".
The lion abruptly stops and says "woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can". Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. The monkey realizes that he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return. So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily "get on my back, we'll get him together".
So they start rushing back to the dog. The dog sees them and realized what happened and starts to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts "where the hell is that monkey! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago..."
Sorry, lions are much too clever for a cheap ploy like that. 
Ooo 
Who is the biggest clever animal? I mean jokes 
That's what I call a well-constructed and well-told joke! :-)
Good joke.
A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two Americans just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?" No response.
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language."
"Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."
The cat chasing a mouse. But the mouse hid in a hole. The cat crept up to the mink and began to bark. The mouse was surprised. He poked his nose out of the hole. Opps... The cat caught a mouse. And he said. "Very useful to know at least one foreign language!"
Good one Mikado777!
A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money." The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said, "You cannot do this, I'm a congressman!" The thief replied, "In that case, give me MY money!"
Okay. That made me laugh.
An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"
The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.
Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."
The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"
The soldier didn't say anything else. He leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.
An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out of the window."
@Billphilip and Nowandzen, good ones!
Two beginners:
"I improved my English, Spanish, French, Russian and Italien."
"Then you must be a genius!"
"Why?"
"You can speak so many languages..."
"I am talking about chess openings and not languages."