i m very bad chess player but i want to learn :(

can anyone please teach me how to master this game ?

Add me to ur facebook account so we can chat and play online :) . my profile is
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002947988414

(yet another addition to the list)

... when most of your enjoyment comes from insulting players after you lose.

You resign if your opponent opens with Na3

Several of your games are included in the book "how not to play chess"

you comment on thi... oh sorry wrong thread

 +1!

Your opponent plays the Evans Gambit and you answer with "I'm all in!"

NN is your second.

Worse, NN is your role model.

U r a bad chess player if u play 1f3,e5 2g4 and ur opponent says that it's over and u answer "What the hell r ya sayin? we've just starting "

You are a bad chess player if you ask your opponent to teach you how to write the chess notations during a tournament game.

Bad chess players fail to operate en passent properly in 3D Chess.

"It must be humbling to suck on so many levels". - Sheldon Cooper. 

You're human. [Let's face it, none of us good players in the truest sense]

The TD asks for your chair before the game starts explaining that someone needs to change a light bulb. When you start to question why he says you'll be finished before the light bulb is changed.

When you think you made a good move you yell "Yahtzee!"

Another sign you're bad chess player is if you can't spell "in passaunt'.

OK...Theunderground702,ReasonableDoubt, N2uhc and Wizeyed are just great. Guys, i have not laughed this good and long in a year; all of you made me laugh to the floor! Great wit. Not only do we have great players on chess.com, we have great humorist as well. Last but not least, i look and feel like the picture presented by Wizeyed after i lose. THANKS GUYS!

The only chance you get to beat your opponent is wearing a ridiculous hat and hoping it distracts them.

You often sacrifice your queen by accident.