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Signs you're a bad chess player


  • 2 years ago · Quote · #1441

    ECHOOooo

    [COMMENT DELETED]
  • 2 years ago · Quote · #1442

    e4nf3

    How can you tell a good chess player from a bad one?

    Well, the good chess player would never say: "Oh, I hate playing with black."

  • 2 years ago · Quote · #1443

    bobbyDK

    cornedbeefhashvili wrote:

    When you check the pairings for the next round and the computer has already printed out the result "0" for you.

    an opponent I played against in the last round of a tournament could win the tournament if he managed to draw against me. and I could win the tournament if I won. He wrote 0 in front of my name before the game as if it was the result.

    He wasn't playing that good, he made a blunder and I thought if you are sure of winning you shouldn't do that....needless to say I won.

  • 2 years ago · Quote · #1444

    sanan22

    you're a bad chess player when 8 out of your 10 opening moves are pawn moves.

    I played against an opponent once, he played 12 pawn moves before move 15...he lost in 17 moves

  • 2 years ago · Quote · #1445

    TonyH

    When your three year old daughter shows you how to play

  • 2 years ago · Quote · #1446

    Crazychessplaya

    It is noon, and your wife is in labor. You grow restless; at 1PM chess.com runs the scheduled "Pardon Our Blunders." Telling your wife you need to go to the restroom, you leave the hospital and return home just in time for the show. When the distressed mother-in-law calls you, you curtly say "I'm in the middle of something", hang up the phone, and watch Pruess explain the unsound sacrifice.

  • 2 years ago · Quote · #1447

    rickdaniels52

    if the person analyzing your game makes the annotation after your first move    better is resigns!!

  • 2 years ago · Quote · #1448

    bobbyDK

    you are a bad player if you don't have a trophy room,...I don't´..Cry

  • 2 years ago · Quote · #1449

    chessgdt

    Nietchess wrote:

    You're a bad chess player when you didn't start at the age of 5.

    Uh oh... I thinkk that calls many chess players bad players, including the ones that started at 3 or four, because you said AT 5 years old.

  • 2 years ago · Quote · #1450

    e4nf3

    We often talk about bad chess players. But what about good chess players?

    Reflecting upon this, you decide to work at breaking 800. Then all those nattering nabobs of negativism...they'll come to see the stuff you are made of.

    By golly, they will!

  • 24 months ago · Quote · #1451

    e4nf3

    Well, this appears to be the end of a long, hard road.

    I can't think of another thing to say...

    OK...just one. You are such a bad chess player that you imbibe a pint of blackberry brandy, and you stumble your way down to the railroad crossing.

    You've brought a length of rope to tie your wretched being to the tracks to meet your glory.

    Duly noted, you did find your authentic Bobby Fischer memorabilia magnetic pocket chess set. You had left it at your Aunt Emily's...NOT at the bus terminal restroom.

    All that effort in search of it...all for naught.

    Anyway, back to the story at hand...you find solace in having been reconnected to your favorite pastime. You figure: "What the heck...one last game."

    You sit next to the tracks, rope in lap, pull out your chess set and start to play. Thing is, you get a fool's mate on yourself. This riles you to no end.

    Whereupon, you leave your set on the tracks and saunter on home to the Y, lost in thought, lost in resolve to forget about chess. It's like women, you figure...something/someone to make you happy...yet someone/something to make you unhappy.

    You come to realize that chess, women and the world in general...are all bitter sweet.

    Goodbye chess...goodbye...

  • 24 months ago · Quote · #1452

    wbilfc

    Lost in translation!

  • 24 months ago · Quote · #1453

    eltrane

    I enjoyed your novella, e4nf3.  Your writing is very descriptive.  

  • 24 months ago · Quote · #1454

    e4nf3

    Good. It's over now...

    But, wait...a thought comes to mind...

    Back at your digs at the Y, you don't exactly have a penthouse suite. Well, maybe on a small scale of 10 ft x 10 ft; but it is Home Sweet Home, nonetheless.

    Taking off your worn and torn gabardine jacket, you notice the rope that you had stuffed into the breast pocket. You marvel at the fact that the rope actually fit into the pocket, but it is a big pocket and a small, nylon rope...not one of those heavy, braided Manila hemp ropes. Come to think of it, some people would actually call what you have "twine" instead of "rope". No matter.

    After sobering up, you wonder exactly what was going through your blitz buzzed brain. Tie yourself up on a railroad track? How would you manage that...so that you couldn't also untie yourself? See...you just never think more than three moves ahead, just as when you play "daily chess" (what a dopey thing to call it!) on the internet.

    A quirky thought goes through your mind. Since you happen to have the "rope" in hand, you eyeball the chandelier above your head. Well, OK, some people would not call a 60-watt naked light bulb a "chandelier" but that's their problem, not yours.

    You've been dining with Haywood down at the Dunkin Doughnut Shop as of late. And, you've "put on a little weight", as you refer to your new, Ben Franklin look. You are wondering if the rope will hold your weight...

    Buzz...buzzzz...buzzz...shoot here it is the twenty first century and they still have one of these 1940ies freakin door buzzers.

    "OK, OK...I'm coming", you call out, even though the door knob is actually just arm's length away.

  • 24 months ago · Quote · #1455

    Javan64

    Ooh, I'm waiting on pins & noodles for the next episode!

  • 24 months ago · Quote · #1456

    e4nf3

    With trepidation and anxiety, you turn the door knob to see who is standing on your door mat: 

  • 24 months ago · Quote · #1457

    Crazychessplaya

    ... if you can afford a doormat, that is.

  • 24 months ago · Quote · #1458

    e4nf3

    Not only do you have a door mat, but you have two. You got them down at the Salvation Army.

  • 24 months ago · Quote · #1459

    sanan22

    you're a bad player if you can't punish a novelty on move 3 of your favorite opening

  • 24 months ago · Quote · #1460

    jojotwello

    theunderground702 wrote:

    it's a sign that you're a bad chess player when...

     

    -as soon as you start a new game in Chessmaster, just as you're moving your first piece up the Analysis window pops up and it says "OK resigning here seemed like a logical choice."

    -you think your king and queen should always be together, so after you castle your king you spend the next 5 moves manoeuvering your queen next to your king.

    -you use a pocket flashlight to distract your opponent so that he can't see where your king is "hiding".

    -the pieces of your chess set have their individual names written on them, ex: "White Bishop (moves diagonally)"

    -you think it's illogical that at the start of the game, your "promoted pawn" is positioned behind a row of unpromoted pawns.

    -you think that the knights' "magic squares" are actually a1,h1,a8,h8.

    -you spend the whole game eager to find an open file to control, but your idea of a "battery" to dominate it with is two doubled-up pawns with a bishop in-between.

    The bisshop and 2 pawns part :+1


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