Signs you're a bad chess player

You play 1. e4 and your opponent says “Mate in 6.”

Members of your chess club start chuckling when you walk through the door.

You discover that a tournament is not a good place or time to learn the “en passant” rule.

Half your chess pieces desert the game.

Your idea for a king sacrifice doesn't go very well.

At your last tournament, you tied for last place with a monkey named “Bobo.”

You consult a chess engine for help with your game, and it tells you that you should have resigned 5 moves ago, and would probably be best if you forget chess and take up stamp collecting.

After your queen sacrifice, you tell yourself, “At least he won't be using that pawn any more.”

In the middle of your game, you ask your opponent, “Wait, was I playing white, or black?”

Your best victory was winning on time when your opponent had to go to the hospital.

hehe..........  well i guess i have to be the worst chess player of all times.  i have no where to go but up!!hehe  congratulations on labelling me just right!!hehe  thank you.

Never read stuff like this while eating

you could have at least warned us!

My first sign was noticing that I play a theoretical novelty around move four or five in each single game

N2UHC wrote:

Signs you're a bad chess player...
You discover that a tournament is not a good place or time to learn the “en passant” rule.

Many many years ago I took part in a school tournament held in Wester Hailes, Edinburgh, for any school in that part of Scotland who wished to participate. It was in no way unusual to find people who had never been taught en passant.

One opponent I played hadn't even been taught what castling was and upon seeing it for the first time, gave me a slight frown, looked me in the eye and said "What are you doing?"

Of course the children in such tournaments aren't to blame, rather it is the teachers who send them to tournaments without a full understanding of the rules who need to get their act together. I'm not saying you have to be taught every application of the rules (such as positional play, square strength etc.) before you go to a tournament - but why would a teacher impart some of the rules and not others?

Your opponent refers to you as NN.

I still don't understand how the confiscation of those items led to his downfall. How did they find out whether he even used an engine?

When you check the pairings for the next round and the computer has already printed out the result "0" for you.

+1

For a long time I wasn't aware that only the squares that the King starts on, ends on and moves through needed to be free from attack in order to castle. I discovered this in my first rated Tournament when my (White) Bishop was covering b8 and he castled queenside. I didn't say anything at the time and asked someone else after the game had finished, although I remember being absolutely certain prior to that game that a8-e8 needed to meet the same conditions...

Also, thread is full of win.

it's a sign that you're a bad chess player when...

-as soon as you start a new game in Chessmaster, just as you're moving your first piece up the Analysis window pops up and it says "OK resigning here seemed like a logical choice."

-you think your king and queen should always be together, so after you castle your king you spend the next 5 moves manoeuvering your queen next to your king.

-you use a pocket flashlight to distract your opponent so that he can't see where your king is "hiding".

-the pieces of your chess set have their individual names written on them, ex: "White Bishop (moves diagonally)"

-you think it's illogical that at the start of the game, your "promoted pawn" is positioned behind a row of unpromoted pawns.

-you think that the knights' "magic squares" are actually a1,h1,a8,h8.

-you spend the whole game eager to find an open file to control, but your idea of a "battery" to dominate it with is two doubled-up pawns with a bishop in-between.

aww i just had to read this while eating...

oh crap, it wasn't my self portrait was it??

this page is negative... that is another sign of bad player by making negative topic. instead of how to improve. 

The weak player pretends to be flawless; the strong player shows and shares his weaknesses and investigates them

Since his King didn't move through b8 he was actually allowed to castle.

you are a bad chess player when

you mix up e3 and e6, d3 and d6, c4 and f4, c5 and f5, c3 and c6 etc

you have at least 4 chess books you haven't looked at yet

you play the hippo with white and black

you push your pawns when 'it's possible'

Seems you know what your talking about.

lol