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Periodically, your King topples over on it's own.
you are a bad chess player when
you mix up e3 and e6, d3 and d6, c4 and f4, c5 and f5, c3 and c6 etc
you have at least 4 chess books you haven't looked at yet
Finally I have some proof that I'm actually a patzer!
All of your moves are theoretical novelties.
You think theoretical novelties should be funny moves.
Hilarious! You're probably a bad chess player if you always take the hanging b pawn with your queen.
Or worse. You know that if the opponent takes the b pawn it's not very good, he does, and you develop your knight, defending your rook with your queen.
... And hang your knight
lol!! Funny stuff. I am told all the time.. "oh great you are playing the ..........opening!! Very, sharp indeed!".. and I am thinking..was that an opening? ;)
no thats just a sign your king is an alcoholic
either that or he has been mated
a few times
but back on topic, you thick that the scholars mate is worth using against a 1200 who has about 500 games under his belt
Sounds like the powers that be are trying to tell you something.
I am the worst chess player ever! That s probably why I just draw chess comics
"no thats just a sign your king is an alcoholic"
LOL Kings gambit has a variation called the drunken king
Signs that You are a bad chess player:
1. You win a tournament because everyone who was there and had to play you walked out
2. You own chess books by Nick de Firmian
3. You think queens can move like knights
4. You think chess 960 means thats the number of points your rating will jump if you win
5. Your Elo rating is a negative number
6. You think you busted Fischer's bust to the kings gambit
7. You get checkmated in 1 move
8. You lose a game where your opponent plays black with only a king and 4 pawns
9. You think for ten years about the best move...and lose within three moves after you make it
10. You think Frosted Mini Wheats will help you win because they keep you "full and focused"
11. Your "surprise move" gets you checkmated
12. You exchange queens in the endgame...after losing the rest of your pieces in the opening
13. You lose to this guy http://www.chess.com/echess/profile/timmaylivinalie
LOL at number 10 Bagpiper.
I always have a banana for OTB games. More as a superstition than anything.
Actualy that is the tumbleweed, also look up Kingdavids Attack
oh and I got that from Uncyclopedia's article on chess
oh and Post #100 wooohooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You think that K and Q vs. K is a draw
When you try and take out the opponents pawns with a bowling ball.
1) The USCF sends you a generous check, requesting you sign up to be a life-long non-member.
2) Your flag refuses to move out of the fallen position before the game.
3) Your digital clock gets stuck in time delay. When you try to fix it, words flash on the screen: "Trust me, I'm doing you a favor."
4) You bring rocks and cement to every tournament, because you play the Stonewall.
5) Your opponent offers to play the game with only his king, and he beats you.
6) The tournament director has made a sign which he puts next to your board, saying "Sorry, that move is illegal." He points to it every time you put your hand on a piece.
7) As white, you move your bishop from b7 to a8. You then take your opponent's knight off the board, claiming you took it "en passant."
8) You always promote your pawn to whatever piece started the game on that square.
9) You get repeatedly crushed by Cassie and Pete on Chessmaster.
10) Opponents have stopped playing you because you insist on sliding your knights to their new squares during the game, bulldozing any hapless pieces that get in their way!
Pretty much your only weapon of attack is the pawn storm. And it always pretty much resembles the opening seconds of the scene below. In fact it's never nearly so organized.
when you read through a 6 page thread on how bad you are
yeah but its also called the drunken king
as well as tumbelweed and king's own gambit
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