#1275 is the funniest post ever

You are a bad chess player when you think it is an honor to receive the Scholar's Mate.

And, instead of shoving off, you say: "Thank you sir, may I have another?"

When you buy your 11 yr old son the "How to beat your Dad at chess" book, only to find yourself reading it and learning loads!

When you think is difficult to avoid a fools mate...

You know that you are a bad chess player when...

1. ...the name of your signature opening is known as the "White Flag Gambit".
2. ...when your club hands you the "Most Improved" trophy.
3. ...when you cannot quite seem to find your queen on the board after a few moves.

When your opponent has to remind how your pieces can move legally...

 XD

Do not mess up with the bongcloud! 

Lol... I just got that book.  So far so good... now all I have to do is convince my Dad to play me at chess (Both my Mom and Dad decided to quit playing me while they still had a 100% standing against me lol).

When you've just made a stinko move and your opponent sprays you in the face with lemon-scented bathroom deodorizer. 

On my opinion every Grandmaster was once a beginner, we do mistakes, then learn, then improve then master the game, I love the quotes LOL

You are a bad chess player when, right after you slam down your first move, you screech: "How do you like them apples...hah?!"

One time when I went to a tournament, someone played their queen from d1 to c3 against me. I told them that wasn't legak, and they said that the queen could move in L-shapes!!!

This was in a school tournament.

When you say that the king is the strongest piece.

You know that you are in trouble as a chess player when you always practice in front of a mirror, making gnarly faces.

Sadly, you expend more effort on facial contortions than the game.

And, you get highly indignant if someone has the brassy nerve to say "gg" when you lose (which is always). That's when you "go ape" on them.