Signs you're a bad chess player

When you have a forced mate [in 20!] against a future US junior champion and hang your Queen midway through the attack.

When you play a move that you think is a blunder but it obviously is a winning move.

Every checkmate you accomplished was done by illegal move, such as promoting a white pawn to black knight or hyper-castling:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joke_chess_problem

Your aunt Emily just told you a story of significant family history.

You see, it was she who had given you your genuine, authentic, Bobby Fischer memorabilia magnetic pocket chess set. But she never told you from whence (I like that word) it came. She is elderly and forgetful, as you know.

So, you just assumed that she or, more probably her now deceased husband, your uncle Louie...who, incidentally, happened to be a really bad chess player...had bought it at a flea market or such.

But no! Aunt Emily, with whom you've just visited for Mothers Day, showed you the photograph below of your uncle Louie on the A train back in 1962 with...with...take deep breaths!...and was presented with the chess set, in token of gratitude (for reasons unknown) and everlasting friendship.

The back of the photo is even signed...and with a note: "Dear Louie: Life is a mountain. Keep on chugging up it. Eat plenty of vegetables and fruit. Never hang around with losers." Signed: "Bobby, your pal".

Here, this chess set is being handed over to your beloved uncle Louie. Bobby maintains a solemn countenance, a forlorn goodbye, to his most prized and cherished possession in the whole, wide world:

You are a bad player when you come up with a new novelty and your move appears in a new book called "The dumbest moves of all-time in the history of chess"

Your Aunt Emily also shared this photo with you. It's your uncle Louie, back in '71, piloting his Cessna down to Buenos Aires.

He took along his pal, Bobby to a Candidates match with Tigran Petrossian. And (oh joy!) to celebrate the occasion and give Bobby an opportunity to "warm up" for the match, uncle Louie brought along the gift given to him earlier by Bobby.

Aunt Emily said that piloting the craft and taking this photo with the huge, old time camera was quite a feat in itself. God forbid if uncle Louie had crashed the plane. None of us would be here today playing chess! Now that would be a grevious pity...indeed!

More warming up for the big game, thanks to uncle Louie further loaning the magic chess set to Bobby:

Choosing the colors:

Pondering the moves:

And, the BIG WIN...a winning streak for Bobby of 20-0-0...all thanks to uncle Louie being Bobby's wing man...literally, in flying him down there and letting him warm up on the ersatz chess set that holds esoteric powers.

"Thank you, Louie...thank you...thank you!", is what Bobby told your uncle after the match. Bobby gave him a big, sloppy kiss on the cheek along with a bear hug, as well.

I guess the moral of the story is that there is a place in chess for really bad chess players. Where would Bobby be without his pal, your uncle Louie?

Probably still in Pasadena, washing dishes at the local cafe...that's what I think.

ther is good chess players.and better chess players ,sort saying the glassis half full.....gl

when you say "chess strength is relative" each time you lose

are any of u people masters .to them u r probably bad players,the differnceis they are not neagative toward the chess. com comminuity

Everybody sucks at chess, Jerry...even masters.

A sense of humor is an asset in this troublesome world, not a negativity toward any community.

Sure as hell beats crying.

you could be positive and still have a sense of humor,whats sad about being optamistic and respecting others.

There is no disrespect toward anyone.

That's just your opinion. And, you have a right to your opinion. But, you see, you seem to think that your opinion is objective and absolute.

Opinions simply don't function in that fashion.

I hatch grand schemes, think thru long lines of play, form brilliant strategies, then give the queen away because I "missed" the bishop. 

i really love the look on their faces when i play en passant... lolz