20/500-600 in each eye. I have you all beat by a mile. and yet I still find a way to pole vault

and I am only 17

I know someone who is 20/600 20/800

that sucks still they can't beat the age though.

When your're better known on Chess.com for your trolling tactics than your chess tactics...

Nope they are 3x older than you

that isn't bad. for me anything past the end of my arm is just a blur without my glasses. I can't even make coffee without them. let alone play my guitar. or type.

I recommend laying on your bed and playing your guitar in a dark room...It can be very relaxing as well as a great exercise to get you more used to playing by feel.

cool. I leave the lights on so that when my cat comes in to listen to me he doesn't scare me.

Especially since you play the Parham and your name starts with "whatup"

Agreed.

Pretty sad when Brian Williams is slow jamming the lameness of a thread here.

LOL. 

You remove an opponent's piece everytime you move three pawns in a row calling it a "windmill tactic".

-On your first move you always try to make a move with any non-knight piece.

-You keep asking "Can I move the knight at the first move" due to confusion with Chinese chess.

There are far worse things than being a bad chess player.

Though, at the moment, I can't think of any.

Think just a little longer.

...you could be a bad chess player if you have to ask your mother, "What's the best move?"

Well, I did think a little longer.

The one thing that may be worse than being a bad chess player is...swallowing crushed glass.

IN the endgame, you forget which color you are.