As said: stupid rules. Here we go:

 

1. If you are white, you don't have to play white. You can play black even if you are a white person.
2. The squares are called light and dark squares so as not to offend.
3. There are actually 9 pawns per color. You just have to purchase very expensive chess sets to get that extra pawnage.
4. Official "Simpsons" (R) chess sets may be used at the GM (Grand Master) level in official tournaments. They just don't choose to.
5. Gameboys are not allowed to assist you in playing a match.
6. It is actually illegal to touch your opponent's piece and then move them into checkmate. Hmmm. That is stupid.
7. It's not actually "Live" chess is you kill your opponent. Even if you kill them just a little bit.
8. Being kinda in check is like being kinda pregnant.
9. Knights are allowed to be moved while you whinney. (Spelling?) At the GM level it is encouraged.
   
10. You must scream "check, and MATE, sir!" at your opponent in the most obnoxious fashion.

That is all.
 

I follow rule 10 whether I win or lose.

I'm just a stickler for rules I guess.

Nice.

The best rule ever? #10! Yes, win OR lose, oginschile.

I just shot strawberry milk out of my nose. It was not pleasant.