(as though it weren’t already addictive enough….)

Dear Friends,

With great love and respect, I am submitting these humble ideas to the Chess.com Management for their review.  Please add your own!

1.  Make cam-to-cam available so that you can see your opponent squirm when he sees your brilliant move.  Watch in glee as he recoils in horror upon discovering that his last move was a blunder.  Record a video of your game to show to your parents and girlfriend.

Cam-to-cam monitors will ensure that all players are dressed appropriately for the occasion.  Don’t look to be staggering to the computer in your boxers at the first crack of dawn any more.

2.  Make book on moves in Vote Chess.  This feature would be available to Chess.com premium members only and to those not playing in the game.  Bets would be charged and winnings paid to the credit card on file.

3.  Issue Chess.com credit cards earning discounts on Chess.com subscriptions, merchandise purchases, and bets.

4.  Have a running countdown clock for each game showing the time until your next move.  Stare with fascination as your opponent gets into more and more terrible time pressure (23 hours, 22 hours, 21…).  This will heighten the excitement in your game video.

5.  Install a Chess.com diary feature that records your daily activities and increases your point score for each consecutive minute online and your activity during your sessions, calculated by the amount of surfing you do within the Chess.com site, the number of moves you make, and so on.  Bonus scaling of points will occur as predetermined densities of activity are achieved.  Merely awarding single points for blog posts, notes, etc., will become so last week.

6.  Award credit for Chess.com memberships for every non-chess email routed through your Chess.com email account.  Log on to Chess.com to get the latest from your mother, and check on your games, your bets, your video production, your….

7.  Link directly from Chess.com to pizza delivery websites.  Get special discounts for ordering through Chess.com.

8.  Make Chess.com your holiday shopping website.  Who needs to give Mom a plaster-of-Paris snowman for her present?  Create Chess.com wallpaper showing you at the chessboard with your image surrounded by your multitude of Chess.com trophies.  Send Mom her own copy of your personalized wallpaper.  Don’t forget the sibs and their kids!

9.  Add sound effects to Chess.com games: the whinnying of horses as Knights are moved; cathedral music when a bishop is advanced; the march of feet with the move of a pawn.  Special effects will be appropriate to captures: the sound of an executioner’s axe when a pawn is taken; a voice shouting “Murder most foul in the Cathedral!” when a bishop is removed; the distressed clamor of a large crowd when the queen falls.  Pawn promotions will occasion the playing of excerpts from Mahler’s Symphony No. 2, “Resurrection” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKeH3oYkFiw).  In the event a side has more than one queen, a constant kvetching will sound until that player has moved.

Checks will be accompanied by the clash of arms; and upon checkmate the tower bell will toll twelve times.

10.  Get wake-up calls from Chess.com: Make turn-based chess available to your cell phone.  (Oh, they’re doing this already... do I still get paid for this idea?)

those are pretty good ideas

Lol pizza.

Great idea but a little outlandish for chess.

fun and funny!

Does that mean they will be implemented

Good question.  I have not yet negotiated financial agreements with Chess.com, and these ideas obviously have economic implications, as evidenced by the adoption of my idea #10 before I even had the chance to think it up.

not that I dont want some of those things to happen, but I think most of them wont work out.

ps. that video thing is just wierd lol I dont want someone looking at me while i'm making my move

No, no, really, I think these are good.  Why should just World Chess Championships be part of the sports betting and video scene?? 

the last thing chess.com needs is to be a site where people LOSE MONEY by betting.  Lets leave that to the casinos :)  Family friendly all the way :)

awwww....

Just to be clear--none of these ideas are meant seriously.  This is a totally unserious, FUN posting, borne of too much empty brain time in the early morning. 

There should be chess.com shot glasses, on the rocks glasses, and

snifters.  Not the cheap printed ones, nice etched ones.

My favorite part was when everyone took those ideas seriously.

RP, it's true!   

vic, I think your idea has real potential.  I'd look into the intellectual property rights before Eric has a chance to read your posting.  (Seriously, though, it's a very cool idea.  )

wait did someone take my post seriously!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!

(BTW this is a joke too)

(The above statement is one too)

great post. I really got a kick out of some of your ideas. I really think that chess.com should offer more items to buy in the store like bobblehead chess figures and stuff.

oh, and chess.com lotion

mmmmmm pizza

all of this would be a waste of resources.  the product stands on it's own and just needs more product awareness.  Resources would be better put into acquiring and promoting celebrity endorsements.  Kevin Federline, Optimus Prime, Ralph Nader, the Geico gecko, and Michael Phelps (of course) would be the obvious picks to get this going in the right direction.

I think these things could be combined.  For example, imagine having Ralph Nader pop up on your opponent's screen when you have made a move, scowling and saying, "Keep your carbon footprint small!  Hurry up and move!"  This would be available to premium members and would rachet up the psychological pressure on your opponent.

Players could also choose the celebrity that would be a kind of cyber-cheering section.  What about having Jaime Pressley or James Taylor (speaking of North Carolina) popping up every so often and saying, "That was a great game you played last week!  You can do it again today!"

ALL 10 are great points!

ADK