Since I will soon not be able to blame a lack of Opening Explorer for my losses, I'm preparing some pre-canned excuses. In an ode to StacyBearden, I present you the top ten reasons I lose at chess:

10. The picture of the sun on my desktop background got in my eye

9.  I thought the knight could also move in an "M" shape

8. I can't smell fear over the Internet

7. My bishop had a crisis of faith

6. My dog ate my sealed move

5. My opponent doesn't know how to play my favorite opening

4. The "Submit Move" button reminds me too much of Regis Philbin so I turned it off and made a mouse slip

3. I thought a rooks of opposite colors ending would be a draw

2. I used up all my vacation time trying to delay Scholar's Mate

1. My pawns formed a union and went on strike demanding promotions for reaching the 7th rank 

11. I was applying things I learned in Loomis' blog.

Hahaha, I almost used "I was wasting time writing my blog".

 

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Those doesn't seem hard to be avoided

 

 

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Hahahaha. #7 is priceless

#9 happens

I will be rofl all day at #2. Thanks.

#1 is great. Very creative and funny.

Thank you, sir. Thank you.

Those are really funny! Great job!

Very good cgheers:)

1. Fer me, ive also set it to touch move and dropped the piece in the wrong square by mistake a fair few times now :s

2. my chess buddies (Mr Shirz and Mr Vodka) whispering the wrong moves or making the board a wee bit funky looking. Occassionally they do come up with corkers though!

3.  In Blitz here i have frantically knocked my mouse right off the table tryin not to run out of time. (oh yeaah i sure did)

4. My cat makes the move for me. He often likes to lounge over the top of my arms, keyoard and mouse which can make it tricky and he has made a blunder before. 

5. am extesntions of numebr 2 - when those buddies reduce me to a bibbling wr3ecj, a little j like now and i shouldnt probably not play tricky games in this state..but its still fun, so i do, and lloose heh.

Dafties, im a wee dafty.

StacyBearden wrote: Those are really funny! Great job!

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 Imitating the format was easy, imitating the quality took a bit more effort.

> 3. I thought a rooks of opposite colors ending would be a draw

Endgame humor! 

funny! How about 12. I thought unrated games mean there might be profanity and nudity!

I got mixed up about the colors, and I thought the opponent's pieces would protect me.

13.I started mimicing cheater_1's style.

1. i forget wich is the king and wich is the queen.

2. i listen to my opponent

3. i don't listen to my opponent

4. i set the condishonal moves with a mistake and i don't want to bother to erase the whole line and make it all over again.

5. i hit the offer draw button, but then i see a win and i want to take the draw back so i press resign.

6. i forget wich side i am because the computer flipped the board.

7. my enemy cheats (who do those sick cheaters think they are?!)

8. i sacrifise my rook to take the enemy's rook.

9. psycological warfare

10. i do this: