---

http://youtu.be/Q9m48YNRcmg?t=1m7s

So you don't!

Oh please, I can't stop laughing...

I ate my dog!

I beat Anand, but to give him an advantage, I played right-handed. (I am naturally a southpaw, so we would have been equal if I had played left-handed.)

hmmm...

I also made a 4000 fide strength chess engine, but the patent company stole my plans. So if in 2016 if an engine called "high spartan" comes out, credits go to me.

Except that's a lie too!

this is getting out of control. this joint is too funny.

My guess is that the OP knew only too well what he was unleashing on the rest of us with this thread.

Of course, they filmed much of the Life of Brian in Tunisia (it must've rubbed off).

Kanye West writes life-affirming lyrics that respect the humanhood of all women.

Saying "I loosed the chess" is the proper way to say you have been defeated.

I never fall for four-move checkmates anymore. Or the Quadruple-Facepalm Attack.

if they only knew

For what it's worth, I invented chess.

And I founded Parker Brothers.

Yes but since I invented chess, I will need to gather royalities for ever chess game played, so you all owe me say $1.00 a game!!

Don't worry, I've had a Vasectomy.

Believe me, I don't think you're ugly.

You're nuts, I don't smell beer.

You don't look anything like your mother.

Lol ok I will just charge everyone just $.99 each game.