100 brutal games by New MT(Troll Sequence TL;DR What did my opponent do wrong?)

Hello everyone. I will be posting games where for you to ooh and ah at. They will all be fully annotated. Like a book.

Start

Hi all, I just played this user who's name I forget named Jf3796 and boy did he take up the you know what(butt). If he had been any stupider, I might have made muney!

The truth is that when you have a bad bishop like he had in the game, there isn't much you can do but pray you're a better player. Sort of like Ser-Mounted in Game of Loams when he squared off against The Mounting That Rides.

1.e4

All the bitches love a man named Tal who plays e4. Otherwise, they like "shite, he be playin' something not e4, he ain't the New MT." Moral: If you want sex play e4.

2.c5

Tony! Look out! It's them sicilian mobstas.

3. Nf3

We got yer back tony.

4. e6

Tony holds the bass. Vinny guards the door. Ready...

5.d4!!

We have entered a position not unlike ones seen before at this stage of the game. Our alternatives for the 5th move are obvious and thus will stay unspoken.

Trolling takes it out of me, let me just post the game so you guys can analyze it.

I should note that my opponent was 400 points higher than me and can't have been happy that I whooped him so bad.