Talking to some of my chess pals recently, it appears that many have noticed an improvement in their play since they've soundproofed their basements to mask the blood-curdling screams and cries for help that eminate from down there. Which got me to wondering if maybe I should consider doing the same.

Generally, I have become immune to these painfully high-pitched calls for somebody, anybody to do something, but maybe they are subconsciously throwing me off of my game and unknowingly causing me to blunder more often than I typically would. At an FIDE rating of 7, you can understand that I do blunder on quite a few occasions and could use any little bit of help to get me to the next level. One time I somehow blundered on my opening move and caused the analysis machine to melt. Anybody have any experience with this issue? Any advice will be helpful. Thanks!

- HM UncleChessy

haywood?

Anyway, I would suggest turning up the radio.

It definitely puts the king pawn in the basket.

Personally, I find the scraping sound of the handcuffs against the radiator far more grating. I suggest wearing your pighead mask, it always puts my mind at ease:

Personally, I find it beneficial to my rating. I never play better than immediately after chaining down my latest to-be victim.

This is not why pdela left.

While I can vouch that this man makes terrible moves and blunders more than a two year old that still has trouble trying to find the right hole to fit her square, triangle and circle in I do not believe the underlying cause would be the screams in your basement.

If you really do want to see how much of a difference it makes I would either suggest a mild acid in the mouth or a ball gag. A small drink of drano might shit them up too but some of the side-effects if you drink too much include vomit, loss of smell and death. (Milk combats this). For the best effort to effectiveness ratio there's always cutting out the tongue.

I sincerely hope I've been of help and wish you all the best in your future both chess and basement related endevours.

Faithfully yours, Charles.

Yes.  Frankly, I'm thinking of moving.

Huh.  I put in an intercom to my basement because I like it.  What could be more folksy on a cold moonless Upper Peninsula night than a blood-curdling scream for help?

I really doubt it. Look at his past threads.

Well, someone's gotta say it: Chessplayers are creeps, and online chessplayers doubly so.

1. e4?!

I'm confused, I thought you guys lived in the basement, and those high pitched screams were emanating from your mother's bedroom courtesy of all those drunken sailors she brings home.

Are you sure those are screams?  I am pretty sure that you have a talented leprechaun with a fiddle.  Personally I enjoy hearing the music from the basement.  If it stopped, I don't know what I would do. 

Methinks this thread is tailored toward a certain poster.  

 more like gaywood amirite?

lollllllzzzzzz bravo guys I actually literally LOL'd

You know, everybody's different. I guess I haven't learned to love them yet. I need to put on the blinders, a la Secretariat.

Speaking of Drano, look up the "Hi-Fi Murders" on Wikipedia. But don't do so while you are eating. Drano will not shut anybody up.

I don't know who Haywood or Gaywood or Slaywood or any of these 'woods are.