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Funny story about a patzer I met.

  • 14 months ago · Quote · #1


    So the other day I met a kid who asked me what I did. I said I played chess, and he laughed and said "Haha, I could kick your a$$ in chess." (He was 15..) I simply said OK, sure, I'll get my set from the car. I got it and we played.

    Firstly, this was the way he believed the board is set up:


    He seemed completely convinced of this. Earlier he had claimed that he "played in top clubs all over the city". Yeah, right. Not like this you didn't. I argued with him over the way the board was set up, and he called me an idiot. I laughed and said at least I know how to set up a board. You don't seem to. And he said very confidently, "Oh, I do. You just seem to want to do things your complicated way. We can agree to disagree." I was finished arguing, so I showed him the chess wikipedia article and my USCF rating on my phone. He STILL didn't believe me! He laughed and said "This doesn't prove anything. You really trust Wikipedia?" I said, "Not exactly, but this information is accurate..." He said "Well, maybe it is, but there's no correct or incorrect way to play chess... It's only a game." I asked him who taught him to play chess this way and he responded with 'professionals'. Then he walked away.

    At this point, I removed my handgun from it's holster and discharged 6 shots into his head and back, killing him instantly.

    ...Joking with the handgun part, but the rest is accurate. I was pretty angry with him at this. Thoughts?

  • 14 months ago · Quote · #2


    A word to the wise: 


    So the guy's a patzer; so what?  You gonna charge him rent for the space he's taking up in your head? 

    Let it go.  Not worth getting upset about. 

  • 14 months ago · Quote · #3


    Seems like an opportunity to set a youngster straight in a non-macho way was missed. You have to finesse ignorance to overcome it sometimes

  • 14 months ago · Quote · #4


    Guys, why bother?  The troll obviously wasn't secure enough in his manhood not to try and one-up Cogwheel; why should Cogwheel fall into the same trap?  Waste of time and energy. My ego's not so fragile that it would break apart because some jackstick won't recognize I'm right and he's wrong. 

  • 14 months ago · Quote · #5


    R. O. F. L. M. A. O. O. L.

  • 14 months ago · Quote · #6


    He asked what you did, and you said you played chess. You play chess for a living? Smile

  • 14 months ago · Quote · #7


    I think its kind of sad you went out of your way post this about a kid.

  • 14 months ago · Quote · #8


    Sleepy-Jean wrote:

    So what else do chessplayers do apart from trying to win a lame argument with someone that's pulling your leg and trying to insult them afterwards on the internet ?

    Play chess.

  • 14 months ago · Quote · #9


    Cry or laugh? Wink

  • 14 months ago · Quote · #10



  • 14 months ago · Quote · #11


    Indyfilmguy wrote:

    Heh, that's pretty funny stuff.  You didn't actually shoot the guy six times did you?

    Read the last sentence in the post.

  • 14 months ago · Quote · #12


    Is this the gun you used?
    I liked you story.
  • 14 months ago · Quote · #13



  • 14 months ago · Quote · #14


    LOL! Your joke about shooting him reminded me of a routine by John Pinette. Go to 1:09 to hear it directly, his "Coldstone Creamery" bit, it's near the end of his act:


  • 14 months ago · Quote · #15


    I love stories with a happy ending...

  • 14 months ago · Quote · #16


    You could have shot him and helped the species by eliminating a source of arrogant ignorance polluting the gene pool

    Of course, you would have gone to prison for life, but we all have to make sacrifices, don't we?

  • 14 months ago · Quote · #17


    You should have played him with the board set up the way he thought it should be - by the sounds of this guy you would have easily won anyway.

  • 14 months ago · Quote · #18


    I think he did what he wanted to, he got under your skin!

  • 14 months ago · Quote · #19


    kalyanmanning23 wrote:

    You should have played him with the board set up the way he thought it should be - by the sounds of this guy you would have easily won anyway.

    yeah, whatever. when i play against people that are clearly clueless i don't ever take en passant, it's quite a hassle, if you know what i mean... sometimes i don't even castle either.

  • 14 months ago · Quote · #20


    What's to be gained? The kid obviously didn't know what he was talking about. You were correct, he was clueless...and arrogant...you don't have to "kick his butt"...life will do that.

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