How To Overcome The Fear Of Losing?.

After a long gap i find myself again in chess circuit. And by now i have realised some Pros & Cons in my nature. There was something in me within me which was restricting me again and again and later i discovered that its the fear of losing. It always haunt me and now i don't want to hide it more and let it grow but want to fight with it and dethrone and demolish it. Please share what you think right that i should take on to move ahead?.

When I used to play over-the-board in Canadian tournaments, I struggled for a couple of years to break the 1600 barrier. Finally I decided that I no longer cared about my rating, and that from now on I was just playing for fun.

A few months later, I passed 1800 and soon reached 2000 rating.

Also: find someone to teach chess to. Nothing helps you get the concepts clear in your mind like the need to organize them so that you can teach someone else.

I do not mind losing if you know you played a great game..

I do care though if i lose in a way so bad that people will troll you about it like you did not see you were gonna get mated in 1 and you did get mated.

Or your opponent hanged his queen but you didn't see it and when its his turn he grins in a evil manner

Other than losing like that its okay to lose once in a while

What is there to fear?

Nothing will happend to you if you lose.

It's just a game.

My attitude is that losing a game is the price for improvement.  It means that I have some lessons I need to learn.

My general rule is to play only those with higher rating points above me.  When I lose, I just chalk it up to experience, and it does not affect my rating very much.  I then go back to the game and see where I made the mistake and try to learn from it.

For example, I learned that I have a better sense of positional chess rather than tactics, that my style is more defensive than attacking, that I have a diagonal blindness -- the bishop blindsided me.  As long as I am learning, a lost game means improving my game.

Eventually my rating will naturally rise thru good play.

A deep breathe in and it feels so relaxed. .thanks buddies for sharing your xperiences. I thought i was among the rarest to have this disease.

That really is not true.

It's just like going skiing. You freeze your ass off, and you might not like the cold, but you don't mind it because the pay-off is worth it.

Chess is the same way. To say you don't mind it does not mean you don't dislike losing. It just means that the pay-off is worth it, so any hard feelings it might cause are relatively unimportant.

I think when someone says they FEAR losing, it is not really the losing they fear. It is probably a fear of the anger or frustration that often comes with losing.

When fear does not stem from the possiblity of physical danger, then it is a side-effect of emotions. Since you are not in physical danger from losing at chess, then that means losing causes some emotion and it is THAT emotion that is causing the fear.

Once you find that emotion, and find a way to deal with it, the fear will go away.

This is basically what dickers1066 did when he realized that the root of his fear was the pressure he put on himself when he entered the last rounds in a tournament. Once he aliviated the pressure, the fear disappeared as well.

I found I suffered quite badly with nerves before and during OTB games. The thing that helped was to tell myself that it is OK to lose, but it is not OK to lose for the wrong reasons - i.e. don't let the nerves interfere with the correct thinking process. 

Glad you liked it. It, actually, was not intentional. I think when I saw your name I started thinking of Dickers clothing and it switched the name in my head.

But, hey, if you're good with it, I'll stick with it.

Being afraid of losing a board game, truly afraid, is an illness. If this is the case, with anyone, seek psychological help.

Some professionals are very successful because of their fear of losing. They put a lot of effort into making sure everything they do is perfect and put all their resources into winning. Unfortunately these people are 'always on the run' from the fear and never find peace. Instead of doing things because they enjoy them they end up doing them to avoid failure. They stop doing things for the enjoyment and even the monetary gains and pull all their resources into winning alone. And in a sad twist of fate the fear they hope to avoid becomes the driving force of every decision they make. 

Soon it starts effecting their temperment. When they win they are happy and when they lose they are unpleasant to be around. Winning becomes more important than everything else and they lose themselves to it. Quite often they will "have everything" and still feel unhappy. They forget why they picked their career in the first place. Sometimes they stick with it and stay on the run. Other times the fear takes it's toll and hurts their efficiency. Some just change careers. 

The point is that it's just not worth the trouble. Losing is a part of life. No one has ever walked the Earth without losing and no one ever will. It's a lot better to focus on enjoying what you do and doing your best at it. You can't do anymore than that. Cut your losses and move on. Take the lessons learned and leave everything else behind. 

Losing should be no more than a sometimes unpleasant learning experience. Sometimes when you put a lot of work into something it can feel a lot worse to lose. But it should be no more than a bad feeling. If it means anything else then that could be a problem.

i believe that this is not in my case!!

thanks buddies for eloborating so nicely

I don’t enjoy losing, but I know I am going to have to lose allot before I can get better so I have to keep trying. 

My darling Tinku,

IMO, ego is much related to fear. The more you harness your ego the more you'll feel exonorated. Fear from the loss of a chess game can attack your self-confidence (and your intelligence worth)....don't let it. Also, players want to win to show importance and control over another which is directly related to one's ego. Ego is the #1 most damaging negative character trait for a player.

Try creating interesting, unique, complicated moves and positions first. Put winning second on the list. You may be surprised by the results....and don't fear your opponents threats....go out and create your own !

And lastly, there is a world of difference between playing to win (abandoning fear) and playing not to lose (being fearful)....but that's got more to do w/ game/sports psychology....good luck !........    

I don't LIKE losing at chess, but I don't fear it either. I used to, but I realized that, compared to cliff-diving and sword swallowing, a loss in chess is really no big deal.

I used to be really afraid of losing myself. When I was 15 my rating was 1950 FIDE, now 5 years later it's still an average 2000 while some people I beat when I was 13-15 are now 2300+. Because I was so afraid of staying behind the result became everything for me and that basically held me back. Now I am way more relaxed and play the game because I still like it.

as heissman usually teach his students: study-->play-->feedback :D!