If you beat Chessmaster on its highest rating in a rated game then you get to print out a certificate saying you beat it. ^_^

I got certificates for CM6000, CM6500, CM7000, CM8000, CM9000, and CM10th.

I scared a senior master in a USCF tournament with my quick, precise moves. He mistook my lack of care for brute competence and extreme confidence. (Who says this game ain't psychological?) He offered me a draw but I didn't hear him. He won by a tempo in a NPPPKvsNPPPK endgame.

I played three boards blind simultaneously and won two of them. I lost track of the third board though so they let me turn around and peek... peeking didn't help. Once I saw the board I had to keep on seeing the board to play.

I almost beat Larry Christiansen (GM) ... okay so he was only 1/50th of his brain in a simul.

I got seven checkmates in five minutes.

I invented functionless chess. Nobody wants to play though.

I beat someone(1) who beat someone(2) who beat someone(3) who beat someone(4) who beat Bobby Fischer(5).

But my greatest accomplishment in the wide realm of chess is... (drum roll)... I sacrificed three pawns, three Knights, three Bishops, three Rooks, and three Queens and got stalemated!!! YAY!!!

hahah. that was a really funny post!

i beat a GM two games in a row in blitz (he was sober ;) - but i'm sure he was underestimating me)

i have won a few trophies in small tournaments (Reno Open, etc).

but mostly i'm a patzer.