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Guys, I have a problem and I don't know to whom to turn.
I decided I needed to become a bit more proper about striving to become a better player so I invested in the services of a professional chess coach.
I found a coach online, paid for some lessons in advance and drove out excitedly for my first lesson! I was fairly busting with anticipation, and by and by I arrived at the abode of my coach.
The problem is that when I got there the coach turned out to be a little kid who doesn't seem to be all that good in the first place. He never closes his mouth and his eyes burn into me. When I'm about to make a move he hisses at me. He throws apples at me when he thinks I've made an inappropriate move, but it happened after I played e4 so I'm really worried about this.
I didn't want to be too hasty too pass judgement. I considered that he was perhaps "doing a Myagi" and training me in a seemingly un-coordinated or baffling fashion but that it would all come together in the end at the All Valley tournament, oh, I mean the Bega Valley tournament.
By and by the time for the second lesson was upon me, and my apple-bruisings had mainly diminished but I couldn't afford to take any more risks. I donned some old football gear that I ordered in from Oklahoma to provide some protection from the bombardment directed by my kid chess coach.
I thought it would show my shrewdness and impress my coach but he wasn't impressed at all. As soon as I walked into his parlour he started hurling apples at me with a terrifying force. Even through the Oklahoman american football armour i felt the bitter sting of those shiny in-season projectiles.
As I cowered he "Matrix-leapt" into the air and took up a perch on my shoulders, his little legs crushing my neck. The more I tried to fight him off the tighter his grip became. He was going to use me as a vehicle and a prompt choking would be my reward for disobedience. I was piloted throughout town to various toyshops and ice-cream shops and my chess coach was excited but I wasn't. Everyone was staring and I couldn't do anything but try my best to look natural.
"Oh, like this has never happened to you before!" I said curtly to some passing acquaintances, as my chess coach glowered at them and pelted them with the biggest Granny Smiths he had in his seemingly inexhaustible supply.
It was just like Sinbad and the Old Man of the Sea I tell you (well, except the part about the Granny Smiths). It was fortunate for this poor chess player that I remembered that ancient mariners tale because after I plied him with Ribena he drifted into sleep and I was free of that monstrous burden.
My question is, since I paid for 10 lessons in advance, what should I do?
I'm scared of my kid chess coach. ( plus he wears a blazer that looks like it comes from an expensive school with a crest and everything but he doesn't even go to school)
this maybe a hoax!
I have a plan. First you will need to gather materials. You will require three potatoes, a quart of acetone, and several severely ill children. Contact me at 250-785-2592 when you are ready to procede.
No chance this post is a joke?
my kid chess coach stole my identity. He's partying in Paris on my dime...
What am I suppposed to do now?
Come up with a better story
Focus on the essential question - is he improving your chess? Don't get distracted by trivialities; lots of great teachers have unorthodox methods. Think of Helen Keller (or not, if you prefer).
Geez, there are some gullible people out there.
Especially those who think I'm refering to the post writer.....
You're jealous because my cankles appeared in Vanity Fair and yours didn't. That's why you look so bitter in your profile pic.
lol Nice story.
Padman I forgot to say, that was a funny story man. I was just surprised someone had actually believed it was true. The part about some kid matrix jumping on your shoulders and directing you around town while throwing granny apples at random hapless onlookers I thought kinda made it pretty clear you weren't being 100% serious.
Now thats funny! My side still hurts.
"biggest Granny Smiths he had in his seemingly inexhaustible supply" ROFL
Hey, if you paid for 10 lessons, get the doggoned 10 lessons!
It's probably the 10th one that will tell you what you want to know. As far as him partying in Paris on your credit card, this is normal for chess coaches. Don't worry about it.
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