I was playing some a chess game on chess.com and I felt that it would last a long, long time. I already had an opponent who refused to checkmate me and uselessly continued to move his pieces aimlessly in a completely won battle. He's a rook, bishop and pawn up in an endgame where I had only my deserted lonely king and some scattered easy-to-snatch pawns. Apparently, he doesn't believe in my ability to get checkmated so he carries on gaily and totally unaware of his ridiculous stubborness. My question to all of you is: What shall we do with this kind of 'players'? Chess community! I am looking forward to reading your opinions. Thank you!

[NOTE: this is a topic mocking the thread entitled "Those who refuse to resign when they are completely lost"; however, feel free to treat it as you would a serious topic ;D]

Make them play checkers.

I suggest that they promote to nine knights and then stalemate you.

http://www.chess.com/echess/game.html?id=19617389

ozzie you could of won that game easily

wow nice 9 knights game

Don't worry Ozzie, we know you just felt bad for him.

I almost didn't notice the smal print

 I play the Englund gambit too!

However, there are some rather obvious mainlines for White (even found by weak players in blitz games) which easily maintain a very solid advantage, such as

1. d4 e5 2. dxe5 Nc6 3. Nf3 Qe7 4. Bf4 Qb4+ 5. Bd2 Qxb2 6. Nc3 Bb4 7. Rb1 Qa3 8. Rb3 Qa5 9. e4

As to the question of what to do when your opponent refuses to checkmate... well, how about looking at it from the other viewpoint.  I've played people who flatly refuse to resign when I'm ahead by a couple of pieces or more.

A neat trick if you get the chance is to re-create your back rank on their side of the board.  I had most of my pieces done, but ended up checkmating because the game was dragging on far too long.

I do hope my opponent appreciated my efforts.

SteveC: But have you ever won a tournament themed around the Englund!

http://www.chess.com/tournament/englund-gambit---open

No.  That really is bonkers!

I have the Englund Gambit book by Smith & Hall though.

I don't have any book, I just studied some of the games in the Games Explorer and looked for something that didn't lose right away.

Note to self: Don't play in a tournament with such a lopsided position to start, if you care even one iota about your rating. Because as you can see in the above tournament link, by far the most common result was white wins.

Also, SteveC, I wrote a blog entry about my game as black with mandelshtam, if you want to check it out.

Aren't these the type of players who started that other thread????

Does this thread even deserve my own bump? Maybe this thread deserves a bump on its creator's head. Wait, I'm the creator. This should take 5 seconds...

Does anyone have a First-Aid kit? Or know a doctor? The bump on my head is not to supposed to bleed THIS much, is it? Oh boy...

Be careful about under promoting to a knight - I did that once on chess.com and the knight made checkmate!