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Does marriage cause depression?


  • 3 years ago · Quote · #1

    winerkleiner

    I am thinking about taking that long walk down the isle in the near future but worried about...everything plus it's marriage and I have never been there.  Any insights and/or warning would help.  Plus I am NOT looking to have my mind changed just some ideas into what I might expect later down the road. 

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #2

    sftac

    That you raise this question, answers your question imo.

    sftac

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #3

    Elona

    Although no expert on the subject, I do feel I have experience to provide some insight in relation to depression, although yet to be married.

     I remember reading a book that researched marriage as a cause for depression.

    It turned out that on the whole, marriage does not link to depression. Except if an individual feels controlled or is the type of character to self-criticize.

     

    I wouldn't say marriage can cause depression. It is more likely that people who feel marriage is the cause, were already mildly depressed to begin with. It is never easy to live under the same roof with another human being at any time. Heck, even family's can irritate each other and cause a cycle of depression to occur.

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #4

    winerkleiner

    sftac wrote:

    That you raise this question, answers your question imo.

    sftac


     Kind of but I was advised to clear up any baggage on both parts and it's kind of difficult to do that under the circumstances.

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #5

    winerkleiner

    Elona wrote:

    Although no expert on the subject, I do feel I have experience to provide some insight in relation to depression, although yet to be married.

     I remember reading a book that researched marriage as a cause for depression.

    It turned out that on the whole, marriage does not link to depression. Except if an individual feels controlled or is the type of character to self-criticize.

     

    I wouldn't say marriage can cause depression. It is more likely that people who feel marriage is the cause, were already mildly depressed to begin with. It is never easy to live under the same roof with another human being at any time. Heck, even family's can irritate each other and cause a cycle of depression to occur.


     True about family, do you remember that book title? 

     I am german and I was told that in Germany (althought I am not in Germany) 70% of their people are depressed.  Which is a little disconcerting to say the least.   

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #6

    sftac

    Perhaps a long engagement (decades rather than years), would take some of the risk out of the equation (and give you longer to adapt).

    sftac

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #7

    winerkleiner

    sftac wrote:

    Perhaps a long engagement (decades rather than years), would take some of the risk out of the equation (and give you longer to adapt).

    sftac


     funny who has decades and years?

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #8

    sftac

    OK, but, "marry in haste, repent as leisure".

    sftac

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #9

    winerkleiner

    sftac wrote:

    OK, but, "marry in haste, repent as leisure".

    sftac


     Yeah but this is my last shot in life for marriage.

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #10

    yusuf_prasojo

    winerkleiner wrote:

    I am thinking about taking that long walk down the isle in the near future but worried about...  Any insights and/or warning would help.


    If I were you, I think I will know the answer. But of course it will take a lot of knowledge and understanding about... hmm... human?

    Basically, you should be able to "feel" it because you're not marrying a perfect stranger.

    It doesn't matter if a friend is a man or woman, you will experience that you will be happy to be close with some of them, and you will be depressed to be close with some. Friend and wife is no different. That what matters more in a long relationship. But often, something such as sex get in the way of making a good decision.

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #11

    winerkleiner

    yusuf_prasojo wrote:
    winerkleiner wrote:

    I am thinking about taking that long walk down the isle in the near future but worried about...  Any insights and/or warning would help.


    If I were you, I think I will know the answer. But of course it will take a lot of knowledge and understanding about... hmm... human?

    Basically, you should be able to "feel" it because you're not marrying a perfect stranger.

    It doesn't matter if a friend is a man or woman, you will experience that you will be happy to be close with some of them, and you will be depressed to be close with some. Friend and wife is no different. That what matters more in a long relationship. But often, something such as sex get in the way of making a good decision.


     Our relationship is strong but we have only know each other for less than 4 months, and I have my doubts like anyone would under this circumstance.  Plus there is an age difference. 

    Do you speak from experience?

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #12

    yusuf_prasojo

    winerkleiner wrote:Our relationship is strong but we have only know each other for less than 4 months, and I have my doubts like anyone would under this circumstance.  Plus there is an age difference. 

    Do you speak from experience?


    My wife is 10 years younger. But maturity does not depend on age, especially if you look at it after 5 or more years post marriage.

    Before I married my wife I knew that I will not depend on her. Since I'm a lot  younger I have put the responsibility for my happiness on my own self. When I was in high school, instead of thinking what kind of girl suitable for me I focused more on what should I be to be able to suit anyone. You cannot choose your friend sometimes, but you can choose how you want to be.

    One thing that I've learnt after marriage is that it is important to have the same hobby. It means you can have fun, and she can too, at the same time. If you don't have the same hobby, it is difficult because all wives want their husband's time. This causes depression to many "free" men after marriage.

    My wife likes to go to mall, picnic, etc, I don't, I'm a house man. If I bring my wife to mall etc, I don't enjoy the moment. If I enjoy sitting in front of computer (playing chess), she doesn't enjoy the moment Laughing

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #13

    winerkleiner

    yusuf_prasojo wrote:
    winerkleiner wrote:Our relationship is strong but we have only know each other for less than 4 months, and I have my doubts like anyone would under this circumstance.  Plus there is an age difference. 

    Do you speak from experience?


    My wife is 10 years younger. But maturity does not depend on age, especially if you look at it after 5 or more years post marriage.

    Before I married my wife I knew that I will not depend on her. Since I'm a lot  younger I have put the responsibility for my happiness on my own self. When I was in high school, instead of thinking what kind of girl suitable for me I focused more on what should I be to be able to suit anyone. You cannot choose your friend sometimes, but you can choose how you want to be.

    One thing that I've learnt after marriage is that it is important to have the same hobby. It means you can have fun, and she can too, at the same time. If you don't have the same hobby, it is difficult because all wives want their husband's time. This causes depression to many "free" men after marriage.

    My wife likes to go to mall, picnic, etc, I don't, I'm a house man. If I bring my wife to mall etc, I don't enjoy the moment. If I enjoy sitting in front of computer (playing chess), she doesn't enjoy the moment


     My girlfriend and I have a lot common interests which does help.  I have friends who were married and now divorced, they didn't have what we have although.  They warned of how marriage can lead to a deep depression.  And since I do tend to get down at times I am just concerned. 

    She is much younger than me, a good 20+ years younger but we get along perfectly.  The best actually.  Soul mates.

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #14

    yusuf_prasojo

    winerkleiner wrote:
    My girlfriend and I have a lot common interests which does help.  I have friends who were married and now divorced, they didn't have what we have although.  They warned of how marriage can lead to a deep depression.  And since I do tend to get down at times I am just concerned. 

    She is much younger than me, a good 20+ years younger but we get along perfectly.  The best actually.  Soul mates.


    Don't take advice from wrong person hehehe. I mean, of course they will tell everyone how bad (their) marriage is.

    When you get down, it is good if she has the ability to support. If she doesn't have that ability, make sure she doesn't have the tendency to add more problems, due to panic or insecurity. But if you think you have that fine quality of your relationship, just go ahead. Just remember that you will have problems (as everyone else does) no matter what. You then have the option to solve the problem or run away and meet the same problem again next time.

    My wife is an insecure one. It was hard when I had to face (financial) problems and instead of supporting me (but of course I have never depended on her, as I have promised that to myself before marriage) she added more problem such as accusing me of having another woman.

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #15

    winerkleiner

    yusuf_prasojo wrote:
    winerkleiner wrote:
    My girlfriend and I have a lot common interests which does help.  I have friends who were married and now divorced, they didn't have what we have although.  They warned of how marriage can lead to a deep depression.  And since I do tend to get down at times I am just concerned. 

    She is much younger than me, a good 20+ years younger but we get along perfectly.  The best actually.  Soul mates.


    Don't take advice from wrong person hehehe. I mean, of course they will tell everyone how bad (their) marriage is.

    When you get down, it is good if she has the ability to support. If she doesn't have that ability, make sure she doesn't have the tendency to add more problems, due to panic or insecurity. But if you think you have that fine quality of your relationship, just go ahead. Just remember that you will have problems (as everyone else does) no matter what. You then have the option to solve the problem or run away and meet the same problem again next time.

    My wife is an insecure one. It was hard when I had to face (financial) problems and instead of supporting me (but of course I have never depended on her, as I have promised that to myself before marriage) she added more problem such as accusing me of having another woman.


    Insecurities from both people can interfer with a healthy relationship for sure.  We just try to deal with the problems as they happen and we try never to go to bed in disagreement.  We do spent a lot of time together but on the rare occasion she goes to the mall with friends and that is healthy (we both need time apart sometimes too).  Our relationship is very fresh and I/we try new things whenever possible.  As far as other people trying to interfear with our relathionship, we trust one another (unlike past relathionships).

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #16

    moduspawnens

    You may need to change your occupation !!

    Get in the pre nup chess playing will be unaffected !!

    While on honeymoon if she asks you you favorite position dont answer queens gambit !!

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #17

    winerkleiner

    This will be my first and only marriage and I won't need a pre nup but thanks for your advise moduspawnens.

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #18

    HessianWarrior

    Getting married changes everything. It is a commitment from both parties that makes it hard get out of what happened. So what she does now that pisses you off now, will last forever, and she will think of more things to get under your skin and piss you off that also will go on for eternity. Also what ever you do to piss her off will be thrown in your face on a daily basis and you will be told that you need to change. Think hard on it, she will want to change you into the man of her dreams.

  • 3 years ago · Quote · #19

    Timotheous

    Marriage causes depression as food causes indigestion or as paint causes your house to be orange. It depends on the details.
  • 3 years ago · Quote · #20

    1pawndown

    You may think the prenuptial is not romantic, but it takes a lot of stress and distrust out of the equation. 


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