First poem

Jump to forum:
 
6th June 2008, 11:35am
#1
by onewho_dies
United States
Member Since: Sep 2007
Member Points: 477

Day  

Day is a blank page of paper

  Quietly accepting our words together

Each animal, human, and flowerImpress it with their power

While it just carries on and lets us write page upon page

Until we grow old with age


19th August 2008, 11:27pm
#2
by Rael
Calgary Canada
Member Since: Sep 2007
Member Points: 5084


"Day is a blank page of paper
Quietly accepting our words together
each animal, human, and flower impress it with their power
While it just carries on and lets us write page upon page
Until we grow old with age"

 

This is a fine minimalist poem, right up my alley insofar as it involves varied line length while at the same time maintains it's internal integrity. The middle line is the strongest, and the treat of the piece, wherein the landings are quite delicious side by side: animal, human and flower impress arrives at the right time and contains the core thrust of the poem's theme.

I like the poem's meaning - the idea that the world presents itself as some kind of canvas onto which all things "impress" themselves. Whereas from my vantage point age wise, I find that the philosophical thrust could be expanded on, this piece is very nice coming from a young man born in 1993.

While it just carries on and lets us write page upon page

is a good insight - pointing to the seemingly indifferent endurance of reality yet it's endless capacity at once.

Keep having such thoughts, Matthew, and you can rest assured you're on the right track.

Great piece, sir.

 

Add your comment:

Join Chess.com for free to add your comment! Already a member? Then login now to comment.